Whispers and murmurs of suspicion spread like wildfire through the fellowship hall of Daily Manna Seventh-Day Adventist Church as the intoxicating aroma of crispy, golden-brown chicken filled the Sabbath air.
As everyone began to salivate, potluck coordinator Lee Gumes dramatically locked the doors to the hall and yelled into a roving mic, demanding that “whoever broke the rules by bringing real chicken” out themselves or nobody was going home.
A hush fell over the room, and all eyes darted around, as if suspecting that the guilty party would spontaneously confess. But none did.
The congregation exchanged nervous glances, realizing that Lee Gumes was absolutely serious about getting to the bottom of this poultry predicament.
He continued, “I implore the guilty party to step forward and confess. The longer this persists, the longer we will remain in this fellowship hall.”
As Lee Gumes’ plea echoed through the hall, a surprising turn of events unfolded. Instead of one person stepping forward to confess, the entire congregation seemed to shift uncomfortably in their seats.
“I confess! It was me!” cried out Brother Harold, his face turning beet red as he stood up abruptly. His dramatic revelation shocked everyone, as he was known for his unwavering commitment to vegetarianism.
Sister Esther, sitting next to Brother Harold, quickly interjected, “No, it was me! I couldn’t resist the temptation. Forgive me, brethren!” Her confession sent shockwaves through the hall, as she was renowned for her dedication to the church’s dietary guidelines.
The atmosphere in the fellowship hall became increasingly chaotic as one by one, more church members confessed to smuggling in the fried chicken. Sister Maria, Brother Jerry, Brother Larry, and even dear Sister Abigail, who had never once sinned on record, confessed to bringing in the chicken.
As it became clear to Lee Gumes that the congregation was not about to agree to his witch hunt, he silently grabbed a chicken wing and left the building.