Things Adventists Love Beyond Reason

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We Adventists have a near-inexplicable infatuation with a number of things. Here are some of them:

Ellen White paraphernalia like furniture she used

Even the most far-flung Ellen White research center probably has something like a chair White sat on and you better believe visitors will ask to sit in it. And they will be denied permission.


These strips of fake bacon are served at EVERY Adventist institution at least once a week. You probably have a few packets in your freezer.

Leather Bible cases


The bigger and more worn the better. Shows dedication. Extra points if it has space for your Sabbath School lesson.

Taco Bell seven layer burrito

These are delicious AND vegetarian. Total winners.

Discussing the Time of Trouble

You can’t go for too long in any Adventist community without a somber discussion of the End Times and some wild-eyed prepped talking about a bunker he has pre-stocked with food to last years.

Debating women’s ordination

This topic of contention won’t go away anytime soon. 


There’s something about growing up Adventist that simply DEMANDS years of felts-facilitated Bible storytelling in Sabbath School.

Uncle Arthur’s bedtime stories

These classics may sound a bit dated to some but they informed the entire moral code of so many generations of Adventists. They could use a bit more grace-oriented material though.

Giving out the Great Controversy to people that don’t want them

Nothing gets Adventists excited like carpet bombing unsuspecting communities with paperback versions of this volume.

Pathfinder soap carving honor

Carving soap is oddly satisfying. No Pathfinder can afford to miss out on it.

Banquets with magicians as the only entertainment

Make sure that magician doesn’t conjure up a dance floor.


You’ve had your fix of satire. Now head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.


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