ADVENTIST WORLD — Local Adventist Bill Miller has spent the last several months on social media in a bold crusade against the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Regardless of what Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist leaders have decided to condense the steadily-growing number of denominational fundamental beliefs to 27 in response to a push to slash budgets. “We realize Read more […]
ADVENTIST WORLD — Freshly-defunded campus security departments at Adventist institutions worldwide are holding a joint whistle auction to inject new life into their budgets. The auction Read more […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Foolproof voting tech guaranteed to prevent any kind of foul play or delay in results has been identified to rescue the US general election from voter fraud. The General Read more […]
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Following the news SpaceX has safely brought NASA astronauts to the International Space Station and back, company CEO Elon Musk has announced he will be sending up student Read more […]
Dear Church Family, I thought it would be best to just email everyone and admit the obvious: last Sabbath’s baby dedication was a total train wreck. As senior pastor, I should have held Read more […]
There’s been a lot of talk about the End Times in Adventist circles lately. We’ve put together a sideshow of some essential items to keep in mind for you preppers out there. Check out our list and Read more […]
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: SILVER SPRING, Md. — It is with heavy hearts that we announce the bankruptcy of the Pathfinder Department exactly one week after the unfortunate launch of our latest Read more […]
PORTLAND, Ore. — Adventists in the Pacfic Northwest have done their honest part to point out that local Evangelical, Agah Peh, widely assumed to have been raptured yesterday, had simply been snatched Read more […]
Over the last few months, nobody’s been saying much about women’s ordination. We’re guessing that’s because we Adventists have officially worked the whole thing out. Who knew we had it in us Read more […]
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