Tuesday, June 17, 2025
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Remnant Complex

Local Adventist Church Baffled by Lack of Community Interest Despite “Obviously Superior Lifestyle”

Babylon, MD— Members of the Righteousness Heights Seventh-day Adventist Church expressed bewilderment this week after their latest evangelistic series, "Why Everyone Should Be Like Us," failed to attract a...
Racism

Nationalist SDA Upset Heaven Includes All Nations, Tribes, Tongues

TAKOMA PARK, Md. — Local Seventh-day Adventist and self-proclaimed Christian nationalist Brad Whitman expressed deep disappointment this week after reading Revelation 7:9 during his morning devotions, discovering that Heaven...
Uncategorized

GC Announces Tithe Transparency App With Leaderboard and Shame Notifications

In a move to “build trust and accountability,” the Adventist Church has unveiled its latest digital innovation: the Tithe Transparency App, now featuring real-time leaderboards and personalized shame notifications for members...
Catholics

GC Warns First American Pope to Move Super Bowl Sunday to Saturday so Adventists Can’t Watch

The General Conference has warned that Pope Leo XIV, the first American pope, is allegedly plotting to shift Super Bowl Sunday to Saturday as...
Second Coming

Loma Linda Adventists Greatly Disappointed: “Cloud the Size of a Hand” Just LA Smog

LOMA LINDA, CA – Excitement swept through the Loma Linda Adventist community yesterday as word spread of a mysterious “cloud the size of a...
Women's ordination

GC Slaps 49% Tithe Hike On Pro-Women’s Ordination Regions

SILVER SPRING, Md.– In a move that’s got Adventists worldwide clutching their wallets, the General Conference (GC) announced a jaw-dropping tithe hike this week,...
Second Coming

5 Reasons Jesus Isn’t Back Yet

As Adventists we are impatient for Jesus to come back. Truth be told, we are embarrassed he hasn’t yet returned. Here are some reasons...

Adventist Culture

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Adventist Grandma Insists She Is “Woke” Due to Trusty Alarm Clock

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Local Adventist grandmother, Edna Pritchard, 87, proudly declared herself...

DOGE Disbands Every Adventist Committee

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SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a shocking turn of...

Offering Canceled Because Nobody Carries Cash

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Pastor Bill Fleece of the Everhope Seventh-day Adventist Church...

Students Stage Overnight Cow Coup at Andrews University

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In a stunning reversal of Andrews University’s 2019 decision...

Adventist Food

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Ted Wilson Fashion Statements

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Nothing says bold like some of these fashion decisions...

Trump Commands World to Worship Golden Gaza Statue

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WASHINGTON DC. — Adventists are abuzz after Donald Trump’s...

Vine Clarifies His New Venture’s ‘Needle to the Pole’ Name NOT an Endorsement of Vaccines

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Berrien Springs, Mich. – Dr. Conrad Vine, the outgoing...

GC Emails Members: “What Sinful Work Did You Sneak in Last Sabbath?”

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SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a bold move inspired...

Sabbath Observance

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Wilson Blames Bankruptcy of Loma Linda Foods on The Shaking

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In a statement released from his office surrounded by...

GC: We’re Not Exclusive, We Just Prefer to Be Right Alone

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SILVER SPRING, MD—The Seventh-day Adventist General Conference (GC) has...

Adventist Single Swears She’s “Totally Content” – Has Wedding Playlist Ready Just in Case

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BINFIELD, UK – Local Adventist single Sarah M., 29,...

Sabbath School Department Releases “Remnant Coloring Book” for Ages 3 and Up-Stay Inside the Lines or Risk Apostasy

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In an inspired leap forward for doctrinal formation, the...

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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