Entire Congregation Blows Diet at Poltuck
Everyone at Setbacks Seventh-day Adventist Church abandoned their summer health kick during last Sabbath’s potluck. The church, known for its kale smoothie socials and tofu cooking classes, had Read more […]
Local Elder Mistakes Sermon Notes for Shopping List, Preaches About Almond Milk
In a mix-up at Nutsberry Seventh-day Adventist Church last Sabbath, Elder John Smith accidentally grabbed his wife’s shopping list instead of his sermon notes. The congregation was treated to an unexpectedly Read more […]
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Study Finds Inverse Relationship Between “Finishing the Work” Sermons and Community Service
A groundbreaking study conducted by the Adventist Research Institute has uncovered a surprising trend: the more frequently a church hears sermons about “finishing the work,” the less likely its Read more […]
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Adventist Couple Celebrates Freedom from Caffeine on Independence Day
LOMA LINDA, Calif. – While most Americans celebrated their nation’s independence on July 4th, the Johnsons of Loma Linda took the opportunity to commemorate a different kind of freedom – their liberation Read more […]
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Sneaky Ways Adventists Try to Figure Out If You’re “Liberal” or “Conservative”
We Adventists are a diverse bunch, aren’t we? Sometimes, curiosity gets the better of us, and we can’t help but wonder where our fellow church members fall on the theological spectrum. Here’s Read more […]
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Liberal Adventist Pastor Declares Investigative Judgment ‘Too Judgmental’
Pastor Woke Feelgood of the Progressive Pines Adventist Church has declared the long-standing Adventist doctrine of the Investigative Judgment to be “too judgmental” and “not inclusive enough.” “We Read more […]
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Evangelist Shocked to Discover Bible Contains Books Other Than Daniel and Revelation
Local Adventist evangelist Pastor Jim Prophecy was reportedly left in a state of disbelief yesterday after accidentally opening his Bible to the book of Ruth during a sermon preparation session. “I Read more […]
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Summer Evangelism Series Rebranded as ‘Prophecy and Popsicles’ to Boost Attendance
In an attempt to combat dwindling attendance at their annual summer evangelism series, the Cooler Springs Seventh-day Adventist Church has taken a bold new approach. This year’s series, traditionally Read more […]
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Biden “Committing 100%” to Adventist NEWSTART Program in Prep for Next Debate
US President Joe Biden has reportedly embraced the Seventh-day Adventist NEWSTART health program to prepare for his next debate. Following his recent debate performance that left Democrats concerned, Read more […]
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Trump Insists on ‘Haystack-Building’ Competition to Demonstrate Problem-Solving Skills in Presidential Debate
In a move that has left both political pundits and culinary enthusiasts hungrier, former President Donald Trump has insisted that the upcoming presidential debate include a “haystack-building” competition Read more […]
