11 Reasons Why Being a Pastor’s Spouse is the Hardest Job

1. You’re expected to be a perfect role model at all times, with no room for human flaws or mistakes. 2. Your personal life is constantly under scrutiny, with church members feeling entitled Read more […]

Evangelist Doesn’t Know Single Name of 1,000 He Baptized in Campaign

At last month’s evangelistic campaign, veteran evangelist Elder Thundersalot baptized an astounding 1,000 new converts into the Adventist church over the course of just three weeks of meetings. Read more […]

Adventist College Kid Picking Church Fully Based On Quality of Potluck

In a move that has surprised absolutely no one familiar with Adventist church culture, local Adventist university student Jason Frimbly has based his entire church home decision on one key factor Read more […]

Nobody Wants to Hear Returning Missionary’s Stories

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Caleb Westerfielderson had spent the last two years serving as a missionary in a remote village in Papua New Guinea. Armed with his well-highlighted Bible, a suitcase full Read more […]

Solomon Found Crushed to Death Under Pile of 700 Marriage Yokes

JERUSALEM – In a discovery that has rocked the biblical archaeology world, researchers from Seventh-Dig Adventist University have unearthed startling evidence that appears to solve the mystery Read more […]

Church AV Guy Thinks Neuralink Implants Are Key to Sinless Living

The following is a late-night email our church received from our AV guy, Chad, who is pretty excited: Let’s face it, folks, most of us wouldn’t mind a little less temptation in our lives. That Read more […]

Deacon Calling You “Sister” Has Clearly Forgotten Your Name Again

There you are, minding your own business at church, when Deacon Wilbur approaches with that tight-lipped smile that means he’s about to ask you to do the children’s story. “Happy Sabbath, Sister,” Read more […]

7 Places Adventists Could Use More Cowbell

As the famous Saturday Night Live skit taught us, there’s no such thing as too much cowbell. And as Adventists, we seem to have missed the memo on the gospel truth of more cowbell making everything Read more […]

Old-Timer Prays for Jesus to Return Before Those “Dang Hippie Youngsters” Lead Praise Again

The usually peaceful Polkadot Plains Adventist Church was the scene of mild commotion this Sabbath, as 73-year-old Ethel Rutabaga reportedly delayed potluck with a dramatic prayer for Jesus to Read more […]

Berrien Woman Claims To-Do List Magically Expands on Fridays

BERRIEN COUNTY, MI – For Mildred Tibbles of Berrien County, preparing for the Sabbath has become a weekly battle against an invisible, and some might say, malevolent force: her ever-expanding to-do Read more […]