Does Volunteering Count If You Haven’t Posted About It On Social Media?

We gotta know: Is volunteering worth the time unless you can let the whole world know what you are doing with an action shot of you saving the manatees/serving soup/tutoring with a #simplyservice?  Without Read more […]

Republican Adventists Declare Second Great Disappointment

RED AMERICA – After a longed for mid-term red wave failed to materialize, Republican Adventists have likened the letdown to a “Second Great Disappointment.” “This red ripple is not at all the Read more […]

Eligible Adventist Males Declared Endangered Species

FONTAINEBLEU, France — The International Union for Conservation of Nature has made its first human addition to the list of endangered species: eligible Adventist males. The IUCN said that numbers Read more […]

GC Transformed Into Nursing Home As Average Employee Age Surpasses 75

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference building is undergoing major refurbishment after HR finally stated the obvious: employees are so old the place should just be a nursing home. As Read more […]

Veggie Tales To Tell Uncle Arthur’s Bedtime Stories

UNIVERSAL CITY, Calif — Announcing the discovery of a “treasure trove of amazing material,” Veggie Tales producers are promising a series of new cartoons based on Uncle Arthur’s bedtime Read more […]

Desperate Adventist Prays For Deliverance From All-Night Prayer Meeting

HARD LUCK, Mich. — Half-asleep, Joe Cansadisimo is sending up a desperate prayer for deliverance as his local congregation’s prayer meeting continues to hold strong at 11:34 PM.  T’he Read more […]

Major Donors Confirm It’s Time For New Fundamental Belief

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Major donors to the General Conference have let their appointees know it’s high time they came up with new material for the Adventist creed collection. “It’s been a Read more […]