Police Called On Member Texting In Church
Dullville, Mich. – Cop cars descended on Dullville Seventh-day Adventist Church last Sabbath after an emergency call from an elder. Earnest Plodir placed the 911 call about halfway through the Read more […]
Plagiarizing Seminarian Claims He’s Only Following EGW’s Footsteps
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. – John the seminarian is on unusually thin ice this week after his professor discovered his term paper had been lifted word-for-word from other sources. Scrambling Read more […]
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Zoom Bans Adventist Committee Meetings For Taking Too Long
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Video conferencing giant Zoom has notified Adventist congregations and institutions that they will no longer be able to use their accounts for committee meetings due to their Read more […]
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SDA Commentary On Veggie Tales Now Available
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Seventh-day Adventist Bible Commentary series has now been extended to cover the complete Veggie Tales animated series. Apologizing that it has taken Read more […]
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Helicopter Carrying George R. Knight Diverted To GC Parking Lot
SILVER SPRING, Md. – A helicopter carrying the current administration’s least favorite church historian was diverted to the General Conference parking lot today. George R. Knight had been Read more […]
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Pastor With Multiple Churches Can’t Remember Which Sermon He’s Preached Where
DALARNA, Sweden – Pastor Hans Glömmer’s life was thrown into disarray recently when he was transferred to a new territory with four churches. Not only was the Sabbath morning commute killer Read more […]
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“Fishing For Men” Single Women’s Ministries Retreat Sells Out
WATFORD, England – A frenzy of activity crashed the servers of the British Union Conference today as tickets for the Single Adventist Women’s Ministries retreat went on sale. The theme for Read more […]
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Adventist Rides Headfirst To Avoid Backsliding
SPLISHY, Ga. – Ever the conscientious church member, local Adventist Kanon Kula returned to his newly-reopened water park determined to have nothing but righteous fun. Despite clearly posted Read more […]
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Georgia-Cumberland Academy Accepting Tuition Payments In Dogecoin
CALHOUN, Ga. – Georgia-Cumberland Academy announced today that it had started accepting tuition payments in the cryptocurrency Dogecoin. “We’ve always been future-minded,” opened Read more […]
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Spelling-Challenged Pastor Blames Typos On Devil
Alphabet Lane, Calif. – Over the last month Pastor Mel Eskribir has treated his frustrated flock to glaring typos in multiple emails, e-bulletins and sermon PowerPoints. Without fail, Eskribir Read more […]
