Doug Batchelor reunites with long-lost twin brother

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The twins are happy to be in each others' lives once more...
The twins are happy to be in each others’ lives once more…
GRANITE BAY, Calif. — In Doug Batchelor news completely unrelated to the papacy or women’s ordination, the much-discussed Seventh-day Adventist Evangelist announced an emotional reunion with his long-lost twin brother who turns out to be an American scientist, Nobel prize winner and a professor at Columbia University named Martin Chalfie.

“It was truly amazing to meet him, he wears his mustache just like me,” said Batchelor. He stressed that he was shocked to learn of Chalfie as the two had been separated at birth and had experienced entirely different upbringings.

An equally surprised Chalfie said that although he and his Adventist brother look alike, he himself has never even vaguely contemplated living in a cave. Chalfie also said that, in stark contrast to the surprisingly agile Batchelor, he does not do backflips in front of crowds. “Honestly, I’m a little jealous that those acrobatic abilities weren’t shared with me,” admitted Chalfie. “One backflip in a lecture would earn me all kinds of street cred with my students at Columbia.”

Never one to shy away from new life experiences, Batchelor openly mused on his Facebook page about checking in with Chalfie to see if he would be OK with a week-long life-swap: “I could start doing university lectures on chemistry and maybe he could run a Week of Prayer. We’ll see if anyone notices.”



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  1. planmeister

    “if I can start doing university lectures on chemistry and maybe he wants to be a televangelist.”

    I think Jimmy Fallon calls that “Head-Swap”!! Not that anyone would know!! Amazing resemblance.

  2. Sevvy, you are always funny, clever, and perceptive. But this is pure genius! How did you run across the photo of Dr. Chalfie? They are identical except for the sideburns. Even the glasses are the same! I bet Doug didn’t even know he had a look-alike out there. If they ever need an actor to portray Doug in a documentary, Dr. Chalfie is the man. Since he is a brilliant, logical professor, maybe he can reason with his twin on some religious subjects, including biblical adornment. By the way, have you heard Jerry Clower’s classic joke, “The Professor and the Chauffeur”? Martin and Doug could do a great parody as “The Professor and the Preacher.”

  3. Hilarious Clinton

    The real twin is “The Donald” Trump. He doesn’t look like Batchelor, but they seem to share identical views about the status of women. There’s a rumor that Batchelor will retire and call The Donald to take his place at Amazing Facts. That’s why Trump wants to split the Republican party and endorse Hillary Clinton and help her get elected. Conspiracy is stranger than fiction!

  4. Have you noticed Doug Batchelor has another twin, too? If GC President Ted Wilson were to sport a mustache like Doug’s, he would look just like him–bald head, glasses, and all. And they both teach the same dogma against women’s ordination–the same dogma decreed by the Jesuit Pope Francis. Some are calling it the “GC Papacy.”

  5. Catherine da Notsomuch

    The reason Professor Chalfie never considered living in a cave is because he wasn’t raised by a mother that wrote a hit song called, ‘The Hermit of Misty Mountain.’ Great inspiration to copy the words of the song, bring it to life and then have your mommy bring a reporter to do s big story on it. Chalfie just wasn’t that lucky. Here’s a thought, maybe Chalfie didn’t need to draw attention to himself for doing dumb stuff. I bet Chalfie’s mom didn’t write a whole album of music for the women’s movement. He would have had to rearrange the truth and claim his mommy renounced the women’s movement because they were nothing but a bunch of lesbians. Oh ya, I bet it would be strange if they both were anti women’s ordination.

    1. Ned Neiley

      They probably are both anti-WO. Certainly Pastor Batchelor is. But I don’t see any problem with his mother being a songwriter and film critic. At least she made an honest living.

  6. Lisa Mona

    Think this story is amazing? Here is some bigger news: Elvis is alive. The King of Rock & Roll is 80 years old now, but he is alive and well. His “death” in 1977 was a hoax. He is actually in hiding at a branch campus of La Sierra on a UFO.

  7. [url=]私は、私が私がどれくらいのスポーツ好きの言うことができるかどうかわからない。スポーツと腕時計:それらの2つのブラケットは、私がこれまでに持っていたと思いますあらゆる趣味を含みます。とマンチェスターの中心から20分で育ちました。パネライスーパーコピーサッカーの重要な歯のエスケープホイールにとって重要であると言っているように私に言います。しかし、私は、ブローヴァマンチェスターユナイテッドクラブウォッチについて聞いたとき、私は興奮よりも神経質でした。私はしばしば私の2つの大好きな分野の融合について疑問にふけっていました、私がどのようにアリゾナ・カージナルスロゴは、贅沢な腕時計のダイヤルの上で高級に見えさせる、というトロントメープルリーフスのバッジの可能性を考えてクラウンに愛国的な見えないのか不思議と国民の巻き毛の「w」またはkiddishにクールに見えますストラップにエンボス加工したならば?私は唯一の失敗は、大胆な生意気なスポーツのしるしとの組み合わせを待ち受けていたと推測しました、そして洗練された文化的な腕時計のデザインとした。しかし、ブローバ私が間違っていますか?[/url]

  8. [url=]パネライ スーパーコピー 腕時計の直径44 mmということです、そして、私の意見で、素晴らしい―見える白ゴム・ストラップの上に来そうです。回転ベゼルであり、多くの人々のためのダイビング腕時計のないダイブウォッチしません、しかし、このものはまだ水抵抗の300 mとそれはあなたがそれをダイビング–リンデそのダイブコンピュータを提供したいときのためにそのそでの上で何か他のものを持ち、「リーフ」をリアルタイムでダイバーの追跡することができます。センサを用いて、3軸コンパス、mpuプラットフォーム、警報システム、それは深刻なダイバーのためのユーティリティの多くを提供することは、ブランドのダイビング腕時計の場合には、迅速かつ容易に急にできるように設計された。あなたがそれのために余分の注意を払います。[/url]

  9. Francesca Knowles

    Please loud-and-clearly label this as “satire” or better yet “we made this up”, I can’t be the only person misled by the title into believing it to be intended as factual.

    I got here while attempting to find info about why Doug Batchelor’s REAL brother, Falcon Batchelor seems to have been completely erased from DB’s biography.

  10. Gary L moberly

    I would like to know who and what the organization believes. What does a barely Adventist believe. What are the difference to a “whole” Adventist and a barely one?? Yep. Before I send money. I have to know. Don’t want to support evil or wicked so to speak

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