GYC to infiltrate Coachella 2016

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Coachella - it's a blast...
Coachella – it’s a blast…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — In what many analysts say is the boldest evangelistic move in modern day Adventist history, Generation of Youth for Christ (GYC) leaders have announced plans to send an army of young people to “infiltrate” the annual Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival (commonly referred to as Coachella) in 2016. The festival held in Indio, Calif. draws an annual crowd of over half a million event goers. GYC organizers have capitalized on buzz around the currently ongoing 2015 Coachella festival, to generate excitement about next year’s evangelist effort.

“You can only get so far with inviting passersby to Revelation seminars,” explained GYC spokesperson Wendy Pujic. “This new Coachella tactic is all about tapping into one of the most talked about yearly events in pop culture and letting our little lights shine.”

Plans are for a group of 100 GYC organizers and supporters to attend the event in 2016 with General Conference-issued glow sticks which will be built to look like the three flames in the Adventist Church’s logo. The band of Adventist young people will split up among the various events and have promised to “go nuts” waving their glow sticks at each and every one of the after-dark performances. During daylight hours, the group will be hosting a “Hangover Recovery” pop-up station complete with a wide variety of hydration solutions and soothing “retro” King’s Heralds tracks.

The General Conference Youth Department has agreed to invest substantial funds to cover attendance (general admission tickets this year cost $375 per person), hydration product expenses and the manufacture of said glow sticks.

Pujic said that the motive behind this evangelistic effort was an effort to “get real about evangelism and actually go to where younger people are.” She said that previous efforts by the church have been particularly unsuccessful in impacting youth culture because they rely on outdated approaches such as handing out tracts to the public which, “in today’s culture is received about as well as online Viagra spamming.”

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  1. Of course, this is just satire and parody, but exactly what redemptive effect will the 100 GC-issued SDA-logo-shaped glow sticks have on the half-a-million drunk/high high concert-goers? If they notice the GYC glow sticks at all, their inebriated minds will probably just think, “Cool, dude; far out, bro; sick, man!”

    Regardless of whether the 100 GYC students have any redeeming, salvific impact on the 500,000 swaying, staggering, glassy-eyed attendees, one thing is for sure: it’s a good excuse to go and catch an awesome concert, especially with the GC footing the $375-per-person ticket.

    The new advances in evangelism are awesome. I heard a rumor that the Personal Ministries Department is also planning a special evangelism project in July, where all the male attendees of the General Conference Session will be encouraged to evangelize the gentleman’s clubs of San Antonio after the meetings each night, by wearing GC-issued T-shirts and handing out water bottles to the lovely ladies. (The men will also be admonished to “keep a level eye.”) Already, $52,573 has been raised to defray the cover charges for the men. Event organizer Mary Lynn Monroe reported an unusually enthusiastic response from pre-registrants. “I hope we turn the city upside down. I’ve never seen men so eager to participate in evangelism,” she gushed. “We must be doing something right.”

  2. Joe Whiff

    The next newfangled GYC evangelism project will place young adults in the marijuana-smoking clubs and “pot bars” of Colorado. They will be equipped with GC-issued flashlights so they can see their way through the thick haze of weed smoke. Each participant will hand out Vege-Burgers to the pot smokers throughout a two-hour shift. The GC participants will be instructed not to inhale.

  3. Richard Mills

    Will GYC come up to Woodstock here in NY this summer? Great opportunity for evangelism. Drop in. Drop out. A real cool place to be in 2015. I am willing to put a couple of GYC’ers in my home for a few days. Radical, Dude!! Woe is me.

  4. “Please note that this story, like others on this site, is a joke. All characters and incidents appearing in this ‘report,’ including any comments thereupon, are fictitious or parodied. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead (or incidents, past or future) is purely coincidental and/or is solely for purposes of parody, satire, caricature, or comedy. If you do not find the stories funny, please see your doctor to check your sense of humor (or perhaps to check your pulse). After all, laughter is the best medicine.”

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