BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. --- Despite years of devastating austerity measures and spartan living, leaders at the Greek Manuscript Research Center of Andrews University's Seventh-day Adventist Theological Seminary are seeking a massive financial bailout from other seminary centers and departments gathered today at an emergency administrative session.
The stakes are extremely high and Greek Center staff have warned colleagues at the seminary that without an emergency injection of cash, the center would be forced out of operation and hungry hoards of students and other researchers will have absolutely nowhere to go to satiate their appetite for microfilm Greek manuscripts.
In an effort to stem the exhaustion of Greek Center resources, administrators have severely restricted the amount of microfilms that can be accessed, causing long lines of Greek geeks to line up in seminary hallways just to get their daily fix of microfilm.
"The demise of the Greek Manuscript Research Center is extremely worrying because, let's face it: if the rest of us can't nerd out over Greek microfilm there could be a horrible domino effect that could take out our Hebrew resources next and then proceed to topple everything we've built up over the years at Andrews," said Lennui Complète, New Testament department spokesperson. "We have to do something substantial to prop the Greek center up or we'll have those lightweights over at La Sierra's HMS Richards School of Divinity dominating the evolution of Adventist theology."
Andrews seminarians doing postgraduate work in New Testament languages are highly upset about the threatened closure of the Greek center. The students have gone so far as to take a break from their last-ditch courting pilgrimages to the Andrews nursing building in order to stage a variety of colorful protests in the Seminary commons area, all under the somewhat long-winded slogan "Imagine a world without Greek microfilms."
A large group of undergraduate theology students have joined the protest since its launch yesterday, many misled by the slogan into thinking they were supporting an end to the study of Greek.
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