Kylie Jenner enrolls at La Sierra University

Kylie Jenner graduated from high school this summer.
Kylie Jenner graduated from high school this summer.
CALABASAS, Calif. — Perhaps the most famous 18-year-old in the world, Los Angeles native Kylie Jenner graduated with her high school diploma this summer and has enrolled as a business management major at La Sierra University. The youngest child of Kris Jenner and Caitlyn (formerly Bruce) Jenner explained that going to La Sierra’s Zapara School of Business in nearby Riverside will allow her to stay close to home where she will continue as a “Keeping up with the Kardashians” cast member.

“We are sure Kylie will do well as a business management major. She has already launched a number of entrepreneurial projects herself and we applaud her decision to top this experience off with a formal business degree from La Sierra,” said School of Business spokesperson, Estrella Rica. “We’ll have to see how our PR department feels but I personally think we should push for an episode of ‘Keeping up with Kardashians’ filmed on campus.”

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Although Kylie says she is fully aware that she has the option of living in a La Sierra residence hall for women, she has said that, at least to start with, she will try commuting to La Sierra from her $2.7 million Calabasas mansion. She says it would be a shame not to put to use the Ferrari her boyfriend Tyga got her for her 18th birthday.


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  1. I like the name of the spokesperson, “Estrella Rica.” Yep, Kylie certainly is a “rich star.” And La Sierra is a good choice of university for her. LSU within reasonable driving distance from her $2.7 million Calabasas mansion, and the LSU administration is also unlikely to get too Pharisaical about her innocent little earrings. LSU is refreshing in focusing more on character than outward appearance. I seem to recall reading something in the Bible about how God is like that.

  2. Ray Kraft

    She could produce a whole new reality show about life at LSU. That should make so much money for the college it can abolish tuition. Soon every SDA college will be competing to do the best reality show.

  3. Richard Mills

    Perhaps, Ms. Jenner’s transgender father, Caitlyn or Bruce will pay a visit now & then.
    The odd couple can be introduced at a Sabbath service. We can all go downstairs for a potluck dinner or a haystacks meal and get better acquainted. I’m looking forward to meeting the Jenners. Woe is me!!

  4. Kylie must be in a conspiracy with Donald Trump, since he is about to announce a major donation to La Sierra. Rumor has it, he doesn’t really want to be U.S. President; his secret ambition is to be president of La Sierra. That’s why he will quit the Republican party to run as an independent to split the Republican party, and then after he gets appointed to La Sierra, he will endorse Hillary Clinton. The Donald is actually part of a conspiracy get his close friend Hillary elected as president. Conspiracy is stranger than fiction!

  5. Clair de Lune

    Is it just me, or is Kylie getting prettier all the time? If you look at old pictures, it seems like she has a better makeup artist now. In any event, her boyfriend Tyga better watch out; the cool dudes at La Sierra will go wild over her. That could be the drama of the new reality show. Let’s see any other Adventist college top that!

  6. Jim E. Carter

    Kylie will be a credit to La Sierra. She will bring name recognition and celebrity to the campus. Her enrollment will start a new trend among SDA universities, which will soon be competing for stars to attend and “put them on the map.” I predict:

    • Andrews – Madonna will enroll in the physical therapy program.
    • Southern – Oprah will buy out Little Debbie’s, start a snack-cake empire, and study psychology so she can compete with Dr. Phil.
    • Southwestern – Katy Perry will enroll to actually earn a music degree.
    • Pacific Union College – Queen Elizabeth will study wine-making.
    • Loma Linda – Ben Carson will enroll in the dentistry program, inspired by his recent episode of losing two teeth in his breakfast biscuit.
    • Kettering – Dr. Oz will go back to school to study ultrasound sonography, as it is so much more scientific than his constant miracle weight-loss cures.
    • Walla Walla – Lil Wayne and Taylor Swift will study marriage counseling and family therapy.
    • Oakwood – Donald Trump and Donald Sterling will have a change of heart from their racist views, and will enroll for a social work degree and become civil rights activists.
    • Washington Adv. U. – President Obama will feel a call to the ministry in January 2017 and will stay in Washington to take a theology degree at WAU.

  7. To the unwary: the “About” page explains that this site is for satire and humor, similar to The Onion. I should have posted the usual disclaimer last week:

    “Please note that this story, like others on this site, is a joke. All characters and incidents appearing in this ‘report’ are fictitious or parodied. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead (or events, past or future) is purely coincidental and/or is solely for purposes of parody, satire, irony, caricature, or comedy. If you do not find these stories funny, please see your doctor to check your sense of humor (or maybe he should check your pulse). After all, laughter is the best medicine.”

  8. Lisa Mona

    If you think this story is amazing, here is some bigger news: Elvis is alive. The King of Rock & Roll is 80 years old now, but he is alive and well. His “death” in 1977 was a hoax. He is actually in hiding at a branch campus of La Sierra on a UFO.

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