RIVERSIDE, Calif. — For the first time in history, an Adventist institution has been nationally recognized as a top party school. The magazine Rolling Stone has released its annual list of US party schools and, to the shock of students, faculty and alumni of La Sierra University, the institution was listed as #1 in the United States.
The news drew instant reactions across campus. “Administration’s initial reaction was one of panic,” said a source with insider knowledge into the handling of the news. “They immediately called Rolling Stone to insist that there must have been a mistake but the magazine confirmed that La Sierra had legitimately earned the award.”
La Sierra’s Legal Counsel requested a detailed explanation for the criteria that Rolling Stone used to order its ranking but the publication refused to provide it, saying that they had a “proprietary algorithm to determine matters of such importance”.
Student reaction has been quite different. “This is the proudest day of my life,” said Student Vice President of Social Affairs, Lorena Perla. “Our parties were off the chain this year. Whether on campus or on the beach, no other school can touch us when it comes to having an awesome time!”
“This proves that even if we are located in the armpit of California, we still bring the party,” said sophomore business major, Fred Lancaster.
To further complicate matters, the university has been flooded with applications for next school year based on the news. Administration is in the uncomfortable position of having to decide whether to officially ignore the award or to use it in marketing material.
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