La Sierra taking suggestions for next church belief to question

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lasierraevon22qsg-10044661lasierrabinary1040300RIVERSIDE, Calif. — To combat summer boredom and strengthen their reputation as the rebels of Adventism, La Sierra University administrators have decided to spend the rest of the summer brainstorming what they call the “next evolution for La Sierra University.”

“We are in this together,” said an administrative memo to La Sierra students, faculty and alumni. “To maintain our reputation as the edgiest school in Adventism, we need your help in deciding the next Adventist belief to question.”

The school was thrust into controversy in the late 2000s when La Sierra came under fire for questioning the literal nature of the 6-day creation narrative. The fallout was huge. Church leaders were enraged. David Asscherick wrote a very angry letter. The Michigan conference went as far as calling La Sierra teaching on origins “apostasy.”

“It’s been a while since we were in really hot water,” said Theology professor David Clay, PhD. “Quite frankly, we miss the spotlight. It’s time for us to reinvent ourselves once more.”

“We encourage you to be as creative and disruptive as you want. Don’t worry, we will keep your suggestions completely anonymous,” said the memo. “We don’t need scapegoats or martyrs. Desmond Ford has already been there, done that.”


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  1. Ray Kraft

    Why do most Christian churches, including the SDA, focus on theological sideshows like creationism and, well, I won’t go into the laundry list, you know, while mostly ignoring the essential teaching of Christ –

    “Feed the hungry. Care for the sick. Shelter the homeless, the stranger. Whatever you have done for them, you have done it for me . . . And whatever you have not done for them, you have not done it for me.”

    Matthew 25

    So, where are the SDA sponsored homeless shelters?

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