GLENDALE, Ariz. — In a major shake-up for Superbowl Sunday, the NFL commissioner has just announced that the winning team’s players will be awarded watches this year instead of Super Bowl rings.
The commissioner who recently converted to Adventism said that rings “are far too blingy” and that, in a bid to curb NFL spending on vain adornment, he was axing the sports jewelry this year. So far, no player on either the New England Patriots or the Los Angeles Rams side of the match-up has expressed much enthusiasm about the announcement.
The commissioner has faced a storm of criticism for his decision to impose his newfound dress and accessory standards on athletes and fans. “Not only is it wrong to subject others to your convictions about modesty, it also makes for spectacularly bad TV,” said an ESPN sportscaster, Chris Berman. “Over 100 million watching fans are expecting a huge trophy and medals, not little watch boxes.”
“I don’t know what all the fuss is about,” said the commissioner, “People tend to forget that am awful lot can be said with the right watch.”
Special thanks to Ray Daugherty for the story