Angels completely confused about difference between commissioning and ordination

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Angels assigned to watch over Adventist church bureaucrats held an emergency meeting today as frustration over Adventist jargon reached what spokesangel Riseubuvit called “apocalyptic levels.”

While Riseubuvit said that thousands of “inside baseball” acronyms, outdated terms and “straight-up made up words” were bad enough, the angel claimed that his colleagues were most stumped by the difference between the terms “commissioned” and “ordained” in the context of doing God’s work.

Riseubuvit said that although angels noticed an obvious difference in pay and power between Adventist pastors that were commissioned and those that were ordained, God seemed to value both the same.

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“It seems like Adventists are stuck in centuries-old thinking that values men over women,” said Riseubuvit. “So they call their male pastors ordained after a few years and give them all the credit while female pastors are just commissioned despite often doing a better job.”

The spokesangel said that the assembly of angels voted to somehow impress upon the minds of retirement age Adventist power brokers that “God could care less whether they call their pastors commissioned or ordained as the distinction between the two status terms is as unbiblical as it is stupid.”

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    • Michael Tate

      Also check out It’s a humorous but insightful look at this game of semantics. The GC has been “commissioning’ women pastors since 1990 but refuses to call them “ordained” while carrying out the same functions. The truth is: only God can ordain someone, and He doesn’t care what terminology is used. The GC needs to stop playing silly games.

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