SAN ANTONIO, Texas --- Attendance on the first Sabbath of the San Antonio-based General Conference Session has surpassed even the most ambitious expectations and is now hovering at what event logistics personnel say is 144,000.
"Because the first GS Session Sabbath happens to also be the 4th of July we've had people flooding into the Alamodome and the Convention Center, I don't know if San Antonio can handle this many Adventists!" exclaimed GC crowd management director, Phande Monium. "One thing's for sure, there isn't space for all the faithful in the Alamodome so latecomers may just need to content themselves with overflow screens and the Hope Channel outside the Ark."
Monium said that although he was very encouraged with the "symbolically appropriate" attendance of 144,000 Adventists that had descended upon the first GC Sabbath, those that came late and consequently don't have a seat to witness main proceedings in the Alamodome have only themselves to blame. "Let this be a lesson to you. Those who are late to our earthly gatherings may one day be late for the kingdom," added Monium.
Quick Reminder: The story you just read was satirical. As in, it wasn’t a real news story. BarelyAdventist is published by committed Adventists that believe satire and humor are great ways to discuss Adventist culture and issues. Enjoy!
The cookie settings on this website are set to "allow cookies" to give you the best browsing experience possible. If you continue to use this website without changing your cookie settings or you click "Accept" below then you are consenting to this.