Progressive Press Updates Fundamental Beliefs In “28 Optional Tips” Pamphlet

ADVENTIST WORLD --- Happy Clappy Publications has announced the latest in its line of progressive Adventist titles: 28 Optional Tips. The slim, scented pamphlet downgrades each Adventist fundamental belief giving it "tip" or "suggestion" status. The pamphlet's introduction is titled "It's Not That Deep" and, in but a few pages, tells Adventists to take a chill pill, relax and spike their lukewarm Martinelli's. After systematically watering down each and every belief, the pamphlet ends on a somber note, adding one actual fundamental belief: church pews should be replaced with recliners.

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4 Comments

  1. Jim Stoup

    I’m a little confused by your satirical piece. Are you saying that Adventist beliefs are becoming too “watered down” — or are you saying that some of them are in need of “progressive” refinement. Let’s hope it’s the latter.

    Let’s take, for example, the church’s position on not bearing arms in warfare. Speaking as a Vietnam veteran who served there in 1968-69. I became deeply offended that the church served up and sacrificed Adventist boys as medics so that it could ingratiate itself with the U.S. government in its prosecution of an immoral war. The church should have taken the “progressive” position of vehemently opposing that war. My year in Vietnam taught me that warfare is a TOTAL effort. Whether you’re firing a weapon, patching up wounded soldiers, or sitting behind a desk at Army Headquarters (as I did), everyone — I mean EVERYONE!! — in the military is a participant in killing the enemy. Desmond Doss rationalized that he was saving lives and not taking lives at Hacksaw Ridge. His MOS (Military Occupational Specialty) was 68W (Combat Medic Specialist). In reality, though, he was what I call a “killing machine repairman.” I wonder how many Japanese lives he participated in taking.

    So, yes, some Adventist “ideals” should be “watered down.” The elimination of the Seventh-day Adventist MCC (Medical Cadet Corps) would be a good place to start.

  2. Richee Rich

    Are the 28 FB now guidelines, suggestions, policies or best practices? I am now totally confused! Maybe my local church can make up a set of rules for our local needs. KISS!! Hand me a couple of Little Debbies as I digest this article a bit more!

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