LOMA LINDA, Calif. --- A worldwide study of Adventists has found that 99% of Adventists suffered from permanently fractured funny bones.
"The fracture means that Adventists are almost never game to make fun of themselves," said lead researcher Phase Phlant.
He said that most Adventists had their funny bones broken as children growing up in church or soon after converting as adults.
"The few Adventists that have survived with their funny bones intact receive death glares from their eternally-offended fellow members whenever they try to crack a joke," said Phlant.
He said that the likelihood that an Adventist had absolutely no appreciation for humor grew exponentially if they were given any form of church administration job.
"There is like one funny person employed at the General Conference," said Phlant.
"They have him holed up in the secretariat."