Report: Adventists can’t hold hands in circle without singing “Side by Side”

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Adventist Awesomeness…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — In the largest study of its kind ever conducted, researchers have determined that Adventists find it absolutely impossible to hold hands in a circle without singing the chorus Side by Side.

A team of anthropologists from the University of Michigan say that regardless of context, Adventists burst out in song with the exact same chorus within one minute of getting into circle formation and holding hands.

“This is shockingly consistent behavior,” said Kumba Yah, spokesperson for the group of anthropologists.

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“It doesn’t matter where you are in the world or whether the Adventists present are holding hands or have linked arms, you better believe Side by Side will be sung in at least one language.”

Yah said that the behavior can be traced to Adventists learning the song very early in life.

“By the time they reach Pathfinder age, the lyrics “Side by side we stand…” come as second nature,” said Yah.

“And unlike any memory of stuff they learned in the soap carving honor, Side by Side sticks.”


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2 Comments

  1. Kumba Yah

    This “side by side” story is a cover up, designed to distract from what’s really going on in Silver Spring, MD. The latest reports from anonymous sources close to President Ted Wilson revealed that it was not his senior advisor Artur Stele who proposed that the Jesuits establish a secret secure communications back-channel from the GC to Rome. Rather, it was the Jesuits themselves who proposed it first. Sources say Pres. Wilson is currently hiring a bevy of high-powered lawyers and public-relations wizards to handle the fallout from the newspaper articles. Most likely, the whole thing will blow over when the truth comes out: that the only subject Wilson was going to secretly discuss with the Jesuits was: “How many angels can dance on the head of a Little Debbies cookie?”

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