Trump fires Carson for falling asleep in presidential briefing

Quick snooze
Quick snooze
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The latest in a flurry of termination notices from the White House targeted Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, Ben Carson today.

The former neurosurgeon allegedly fell asleep in the middle of a personal briefing with President Donald Trump, prompting the dismissal.

Carson, who ran for president in the last GOP primaries, is well known for looking sleepy in public.

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It appears that this is the first time that he has fallen asleep in the middle of a meeting with Trump, however.

The newly-minted bureaucrat need not worry about employment following the news.

Sleep science centers from around the country have bombarded the physician with lucrative offers of employment.

Carson was not available for comment after the news of the termination but a spokesperson confirmed that the high-profile Adventist planned on getting a full 24 hours of rest this Sabbath.

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  1. GC News Flash


    Silver Spring, MD.– In a shocking reversal of fortune, the recently-fired Director of the FBI has been snapped up by G.C. President Ted Wilson. “One president fireth, the other hireth,” quipped a beaming Comey. While the nature of his new job is still somewhat murky, Mr. Comey let on that it has something to do with conducting an internal investigation into allegations that Pres. Wilson colluded with the Pope to defeat the vote on Women’s Ordination at the San Antonio GC Session in 2015.

    “Pres. Wilson made it clear that I’m expected to find no collusion and no connection,” admitted Comey. Undoubtedly, Pres. Wilson will take a page from Pres. Trump’s playbook if Comey finds any collusion with Rome. “The deputy G.C. attorney is ready and waiting to write a letter recommending that any finder of collusion must be fired,” said G.C. press secretary Shawn Spicey.

    Meanwhile, government bureaucrat Ben Carson yawned and snoozed, oblivious to the amazing news.

  2. GC Reporter


    Washington, D.C.– Sources have leaked secret details of the President’s shortlist of candidates to replace ousted FBI Director James Comey. At the top of the list is a surprising name: Pastor Doug Batchelor. Tapes secretly recorded by Comey during private meetings with Trump, reveal that Trump is a long-time admirer of Batchelor. Assistant press secretary Huckleberry Sanders explained: “Anyone who can survive naked in a cave and do world-class backflips, can certainly lead the FBI.” Vice President Mike Pench stated: “Batchelor will restore the faith of the American people in this great institution of justice, as he restores the faith of America in God.” Reporters’ calls to Batchelor were not immediately returned. However, a mysterious greeting on his voicemail says: “You want to hear an amazing fact? Just wait till I come back from an interview in D.C.!”

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