SILVER SPRING, Md. --- Faced with several unions around the world that are creating regional rules regarding issues such as women's ordination, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has taken the unusual step of reclassifying all unions as "GC Puppet Ministries."
It is hoped hoped that the new relationship will "allow church leadership to harness the full potential of our wonderful, spirited unions," said GC Director of Micromanagement, Hege Mony.
"The Adventist Church has a long and colorful history of using puppets in ministry," said Mony. "Not for one second should we think that the beauty of ministry as executed by puppets on a string should be limited to the context of children's ministry." He added that in comparison to even the rowdiest kids, unions have proven to be "bratty beyond belief."
Mony said that although GC senior leadership envisioned all unions around the world as part of a global puppet ministry headquartered in Silver Spring, initial rollouts of the management experiment will begin with hand-picked unions in "North America and other trouble spots."
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