San Antonio, Tex. — “We’ll be shaking things up a little in San Antonio,” said Dave Bailey, event manager of the 2015 General Conference World Session.
The session was originally scheduled to take place in the Henry B. Gonzalez Convention Center and Alamodome, but Division presidents from around the world signed a joint petition asking for the event to be moved to Aquatica San Antonio, the city’s world-class water park since “we never get anything done anyway.”
Responding to the pressure, organizers will be uploading all the usual conference presentations as online videos and have given delegates instructions to submit all their votes for the session online “so we can focus on the new slides they just got at Aquatica.”
“Tensions have been riding especially high for the last few GC sessions so we thought this was the ideal way to cool things down a bit,” said Bailey.
Since news of the venue change broke, the response from non-delegates who were planning to attend conference highlights has been rapturous: “This is going to be the best GC ever!” said 59-year-old Edna Crawley who claims to have attended every GC session, including the “super-crowded one in Holland” since she was 10 years old.
Members attending the event are reminded to dress modestly. Women will not be admitted unless they are wearing a tasteful one-piece. European men are reminded that Speedos have never been cool.
“Don’t even think about it,” said Bailey.
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The best part is the reminder to European men. Seriously, that’s just…no.
If someone decides to get baptized, this will make that easy to accomplish.
Hey, what a great idea-decisions can be made at pool side over a veggie-dog & a diet/caffiene free Pepsi. Maybe elect a couple of GC vice presidents over some Texas fed long horned veggie steaks and a cup of iced Roma. I’ll climb the many flights of steps and slide down with TW, if he goes first! We can all self baptize or maybe a re-baptism. Won’t that be fun for all! My suitcase is all packed & I am ready to RUMBLE!! No more stuffy meetings. No more long winded speeches. No more bickering. Last one into the pool is a ________________!! Woe is me.