Adventist Churches Install Cell Phone Signal Blockers

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ADVENTIST WORLD —  Adventist Churches the world over are installing cell signal blockers to combat chronic member distraction during services.

“I am sick of hearing members say that they are using their phones just to look up Bible texts,” said General Conference Director of Excuses, Mia Culpa. “From now on the only signal our members will be picking up is that Adventists don’t post to Instagram in church.”

The blockers will be turned on for most of Sabbath School and Divine Service on Sabbath mornings. One five-minute window will be allowed for members to use their phones for mobile giving during offering time.


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  1. Laurence

    This is just a conspiracy to force us to listen to crappy sermons. Have you ever noticed how the good speaking preachers can be delightful in 20 minutes, like Randy Roberts for example. And the poor speakers drone on and on and never seem to stop.

    God gave us cell phones to help us survive the many terrible preachers that are in love with their own voice. And don’t know when to stop or notice that everyone is listing to Loma Linda University church on their smart phone.

    In my own church last weekend we had to listen to the preacher expound on the wonders of circumcision, for 45 minutes! It actually seemed like forever. Especially when the young daughter of a friend asked her mother what circumcision was. Thank goodness the preacher didn’t project a photo on the screen.

    Everyone seems to ignore the fact that circumcision, though apparently beneficial, was a pagan ritual that Abraham adapted during his time in Egypt. The Egyptians had been doing it for several hundred years before Abraham arrived there. And after he left Egypt “God told him to it”.

    Well anyway, I’m thankful for cell phones, they are saving church !

  2. Richard Mills

    I say bring it on. Send those blocker techs to my church ASAP. Why do we need cell phones in church anyway?Are cell phones Biblical? NO way Jose’.Our founding leaders did not use them. Jesus did not use one. The early Popes did not use them. Ban the cell phones from church altogether. I’m with you guys on this one!!

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