While church leaders acknowledge that mandating jewelry checks will delay services, this inconvenience as well as the time and expense of installing detectors have been deemed necessary measures against adornment creep.
The jewelry detectors have been especially calibrated to prevent anyone entering with so much as a friendship bracelet.
“You can never be too careful when it comes to clamping down on something as dangerous as jewelry,” said GC Director of Strategic Prioritization, Krei Kray at a press briefing.
“Nothing speaks to the pride of the human heart and the extreme wastefulness of some of our members as a pair of plastic $5 earrings.”
Refusing to take any questions about the many mentions of sanctioned jewelry in the Bible, Kray redirected reporters’ attention to the jewelry detectors.
He pointed out that while all rings, bracelets, necklaces and earrings would be detected, watches and broaches of any kind would not set off any alarms.
“You can still wear your Rolex during the Ordinance of Humility,” said Kray.
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