Chimarrão Revealed As Secret to Adventist Growth in Brazil

“Support the BarelyAdventist team by joining our Patreon community or leaving a PayPal tip - it means the world to us.”

BRAZIL — After a decade-long study of both the practical and philosophical underpinnings of Adventist church growth in Brazil, a team of Andrews University researchers have concluded that chimarrão, an ultra-popular caffeine-rich drink, explains the boost to church numbers.

Adventists across the country sip the drink on a daily basis. Youth gatherings often feature a gourd of chimarrão being enthusiastically passed around during Bible study.

“There’s an undeniable buzz in the air at Adventist events when we start handing around the chimarrão,” said Brazilian evangelist, Sam Cafenisto.

He added that Argentines claim the drink (called mate in Argentina) is essential to an energetic Adventist witness.

“That truth is about the only one we can agree on with our Argentine rivals across the border,” said Cafenisto. “That and the fact that we aren’t drinking coffee so it’s 100% OK.”



You’ve had your fix of satire. Now head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.


(Visited 423 times, 1 visits today)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *