Devil claims full responsibility for sexism in Adventist Church

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FALLEN WORLD — Lucifer himself claimed full responsibility for the “absolutely astounding sexism in the Adventist Church” in a statement released today.

The ruler of demons said that he had successfully harnessed centuries of man-made patriarchal culture to make opposing women in pastoral ministry look downright biblical.

“Thanks to me, women in the Adventist church get paid unfairly and they are OFFICIALLY barred from ordained ministry where they could do the most damage to what I am doing on Earth,” said the accuser.

The devil went on to say that he hoped against all hope that the Adventist Church would continue to be controlled by old guys that have already decided what God has to say about the role of over half of the church’s active population.

Crossing his fingers, the deceiver shared his vision of inflexible church leadership standing strong in their determination to maintain the status quo and prevent the church from growing through acknowledging women and treating them as equals.

“The longer I can deceive these guys the better,” said Beelzebub holding up a poison goblet. “Here’s to them never seeing the light.”

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