SILVER SPRING, Md. — There will be coffee at the San Antonio General Conference this summer. Kind of.
General Conference Health Ministries Director, Sam Rigby, announced an agreement had been reached between Starbucks Coffee and the makers of the increasingly-elusive coffee substitute, Postum, ahead of this summer’s GC Session.
“We are pleased to bring together two iconic brands to serve the General Conference Session delegates,” said Rigby. “With Starbucks serving Postum we avoid caffeine and provide a beverage that has historic Adventist ties. Additionally the Starbucks employees working at the booths in the Alamodome will be able to continue working and not be forced into furlough like they were during the last General Conference Session in Atlanta.”
Rigby said that in order to stay vegan-friendly, all drinks previously made with milk products will be made with soy milk – an offering already available at Starbucks. While the traditional Starbucks drink selection will be much more limited, the ever-popular Peppermint Mocha will be available, albeit with carob instead of chocolate.
Asked if he thought that session goers would mind that a Postum Peppermint Carob “Mocha” would not likely taste like the real thing, Rigby replied that he highly doubted it as most vegan Postum drinkers have a high tolerance for nasty beverages.
Weimar Institute, known for its conservative religious and health stances is asking students and faculty planning to attend the session, to avoid “even the appearance of evil” by not patronizing the Postum-serving Starbucks. While not against odd-tasting drinks, Weimar is concerned about what carrying around a Starbucks cup with a New Age symbol on it would communicate. Furthermore, a Weimar representative pointed out, Starbucks is a traditional gateway drug to Cinnabon.
Special thanks to John Valdez for the guest post
This is so awesome! My parents used to drink postum – I hated it – but may have to try this one – on my Rusketts! In addition – we should use this as the test to see about putting in a coffee shop in all our churches and campmeetings. What a wonderful way to keep old memories alive with new distribution channels! We can even be accepted in gentile board meetings with our “Postum Peppermint Carob Mocha” while the heathens drink their quad-shot whatevers!
Harry – “While the ‘heathens’ drink their quad-shot whatevers.”?
Judgemental much? sigh….I hope you’re being sarcastic & joking.
Haha awesome guys…but peppermint mocha is only available now…not during July 😉
…not that I would know…
Turns out you don’t. Peppermint mochas are available all year. If you ask for one, they will make it.
Those last 2 paragraphs. ..belly laughs!
Will the GC sanctioned Starbucks shut down on Sabbath? Will they carefully guard the edges of the Sabbath?
Warning: If Starbucks has to buy its Postum on EBay, it may turn out to be prohibitively expensive.
Wow!! What must residents of inhabited places in the universe think of our struggles to fill
the emotional/social/beverage needs of th spectrum of Adventists from around the world and the employees of businesses serving us. Let’s first be kind to those who tried and hug long and lovingly the ones on th other end of th spectrum from where we stand. Jesus meant it when He said they’ll know we’re His disciples by our love for each other…not by a Starbucks or no Starbucks cup in our hands!
your stuff is fun!
on a side note, i was talking to a non-SDA cancer researcher – he said that if coffee companies were trying to get coffee through the FDA today, it would NEVER pass – he said it is full of toxins (& carcinogens) and that he doesn’t touch the stuff! i’m still trying to follow his example…
My Lutheran grandmother was still drinking coffee at the age of 99.
I once had a psych professor in college. He was an Adventist. A vegan. Never smoked. Never drank coffee, or beer, or Coca Cola.
He got lung cancer and died at 66 anyway.
Ray: This reminds of the story about the overweight smoker who decided that he would improve his health by getting more exercise. He started out by taking brisk walks around the block. He soon was thinking that jogging would greatly improve his health even more. He bought new running shoes and jogging clothes, and even one of those techie things to keep track of his vital signs. The very next morning, he set out on his first healthy jog. Just as he stepped off the curb, WHAM, he was hit and killed by a truck.
Ray: This reminds me of the story about the overweight smoker who thought he would improve his health by taking up jogging. He bought new running shoes and one of those techie things to track of his vital signs. The next day he set out for his first healthy jog, and WHAM, he was hit and killed by a truck as he stepped off the curb
Weimar? Seriously? As a former Weimartian myself, I’m pretty sure Weimar is more “progressive” than that. Nice try, though. I would suggest mentioning Hartland instead, but that might jeopardize my job. 😛
Oh come on…….nobody has heard of Heartland! 😉
See…even I misspelled it….Hartland.
Really??? I find that quite surprising.
If Starbucks is coming to GC. I’m getting Anheuser Busch to open a non Alcoholic “beer on tap”booth next to Starbucks.
I plan to bring my own previously purchased Starbucks products with me into the hotel room and use the coffee urns provided by the hotel. Also, I plan to bring my brand new Vitamix to make smoothies. Why be hypocritical? In my private room-what a blast!! See you in the Exhibitors’ Hall. Woe is me!
“Asked if he thought that session goers would mind that a Postum Peppermint Carob “Mocha” would not likely taste like the real thing, Rigby replied that he highly doubted it as most vegan Postum drinkers have a high tolerance for nasty beverages.”
That had me rolling! Yall are a mess! LOL!
And the Weimar thing – I can so see it! ROTFLOL!
A gateway to Cinnabon! I’m rolling on the floor! Love you guys!
This is just so stupid….
Starbucks is not a gateway drug
This isn’t a symbol of new age … It’s just a logo for their brand.
IT’S A JOKE…. CALM DOWN!!!
Oh, for crying out loud! Research has shown that real coffee has beneficial health factors, and “appearance of evil”??? There is nothing evil about drinking coffee. It is a personal choice reflecting a person’s reliance on God’s will for his/her life. It is not Biblical. It is a man-made rule. In addition, the cultural issues are also different about buying and selling, from 2,000 years or more, ago. The real issue is the discernment a Christian must use in every choice he makes – not what someone else mandates. It is time that the “appearance” of the church becomes authentic – it is time for leadership to become authentic, it is time for us as members to become authentic – we can’t do that by hiding issues, or mandating ways to think and act.
Surely this whole article is tongue in cheek or satirical
I keep really seriously wishing there was a ‘Like’ button after every comment! I would definitely ‘Like’ alot of them! I also thought the “most vegan Postum drinkers have a high tolerance for nasty beverages” post was hysterically funny! I have no clue why! It just is! lol
And that’s one of the reasons why I left the SDA church. All I got out of this article is “hypocrisy” and “judgment”.
It looks like the problem is more that you see “hypocrisy” and “judgement” in everything.
Jaja The adventist drink cafeine dairy and coke too.
Well, this one caught me for sure – so glad it is satirical = sad to see that some others also got caught thinking it was true!!!
Will the Starbucks workers get Saturday off or will they be able to recategorize Postum as part of the over all SDA “health care provider” ministry in order to provide for the essential needs of the delegates.
If, in fact, this was a serious statement from Weimar, whether intended as admonition for their employees or a general statement, words like these are what make other Christians call us a ‘cult’. How judgmental! Hey, doesn’t Weimar serve sandwiches made with phony bologna? “Vegeburgers Etc.? Is not that the appearance of evil? Do we quit patronizing restaurants that serve meat? AND, what judgment do you heap on a brother who went into a bar to solicit ingathering funds or just get a cold glass of water.
Just to put you at ease. This is for fun only, no one from Weimar said anything. The story is only there to satirize uniqueness of some of the SDA culture, which is what makes it funny. I’m still amazed that people read this and think it is even close to true.
I realize it is satire. But I’ve been around “us” for 60+ years and nothing really surprises me. There are people in my local church who DO think like this.
As a current “Weimartian”, I feel compelled to speak up. But before I begin, I want to make it clear that I do understand that this is a satire site. Sometimes it can be funny to make fun of ourselves. We can make fun of haystacks and pathfinders because it’s something that we can all relate to. Although I don’t always agree with making fun of the distinctness of the Adventist church, I can’t really complain because it’s a site written by Adventists making fun of themselves; however, when the writers of this blog mention smaller ministries like Weimar, it’s a different story. Instead of laughing by pointing the finger at themselves, they are laughing while pointing the fingers at others. “Oh c’mon Spencer,” you might say, “BarelyAdventist makes fun of other Adventist institutions too, and I don’t see any of them complaining.” This is the thing though: places like Weimar are so small, and so little is really known about them currently that some people can’t discern between the levels of sarcasm that are used to describe Weimar. It is true that Weimar is relatively different in comparison to main-stream Adventism. Trust me, I’d know. I live close to Weimar, so growing up I thought I knew about the ultra-conservative Weimar. I thought they were strange, as most of you probably think as well. But then God led me to actually attend the Academy and College there, and boy did I ever get a new perspective on Weimar. Yes, they used to be pretty hard-core about 7-8 years ago, but they have come so far since then. There is a philosophical balance there that I haven’t seen in many other places. And this is the problem with BarelyAdventist. They highlight the problems of the old days, and for many people that’s the only picture they get about Weimar. Although it is done in the name of humor, it still effects the perception that people have. So my hope is that BarleyAdventist will consider the negative effect that making fun of a little known Institute has on the perception of its readers.
Fabulous humor. ROTFLOL And I’m not even a coffee drinker by choice. (not by creed) And as for perceptions about Weimar? I totally get it that times are progressive and most of the rigid ways are no longer reigning supreme. Grateful for Weimar and still laughing out loud…