GC ordination experts lavish praise on gender of Trump’s senior team

“Support the BarelyAdventist team by joining our Patreon community or leaving a PayPal tip - it means the world to us.”

Hombres hard at work…
SILVER SPRING, Md. — General Conference ordination experts wiped away tears of joy and relief at the “sensible, male direction” that the United States is now heading after examining a recent Oval Office photo.

The picture of Trump ploughing ahead with his agenda while an all-male cast of graying men somberly watch was heralded as “inspired” and “a template for all future high-profile GC policy enforcement photography.”

Manny Manly, a senior ordination expert, adjusted his standard-issue blinders before uttering a word of caution to his colleagues.

“Like Trump winning the presidency, we won a major victory in keeping ordination all-male,” said Manly.

“But just like those annoying protestors marching the streets right now, we’ve got far too many members that actually believe that men and women were created equally.”

Redirecting his gaze to “the triumph of photography that is Trump’s exec order shot,” Manly encouraged all assembled not to tire in doing good as they dedicated their efforts to keeping half of the Adventist world out of ordained ministry.

Advertise on BarelyAdventist


WANTED: Adventists who are tired of being single. FREE! Adventist only dating site.

Share your Adventist faith & lifestyle through cool awesome t-shirts | SDAshirts.com


(Visited 491 times, 1 visits today)


  1. calle

    Love Kellyanne, Ivanka, Haley Barber, Betsy and Mrs O’Connell.
    After zkillary and Madeline Albright give me some hard working men..anyday.

    Hey doesn’t Nancy P and Maxine Waters and Dianne Feinstein just thrill your soul.
    Love his cabinet. Love him,b love his family, love our conservative vote,
    But with Dwight Nelson and his mussie love, what else would we expect from this humor posting.

  2. Amy Vinehaus

    President Ted Wilson also snapped up a great male figure — Michael Flynn — when President Trump filed Flynn. Wilson is harnessing Flynn’s talents for telling half-truths, to speak out in support of all-male ordination. Wilson is also chomping at the bit, just waiting to hire Sean Spicer as soon as Trump fires him. Considering the wonderful job Spicer has done supporting all kinds of questionable things for Trump, President Wilson can’t wait to get such a great spokesman to explain male-only ordination.

  3. Charis

    This is one of the dumber offerings of Barely Adventist. Elaine Chao isn’t male, and she is Secretary of Transportation.

    Note to Barely Adventist author: You really need to keep up with the news, else you’re liable to be charged with purveying alternative facts.

  4. Art Stinkletter

    NEWS FLASH – BREAKING NEWS: This morning President Trump finally fired spokesman Sean Spicer after two embarrassing attacks by Melissa McCarthy on SNL. However, this was a moment of rejoicing for G.C. President Ted Wilson, who immediately called Spicer and offered him the position of G.C. Spokesman. “He is exactly what we need to put forth ‘alternative facts’ [lies] about ordination,” said Wilson. “Who else could be so skillful at explaining why we banned female ordination when the Bible says it’s okay?”

  5. Take Flynn’s pix out of the photo and replace it with Ben Carson. Now you have a diversified group. Also, add DeVoss. She is a friend of Andrews & SDA ed people. Give Spicer a job at the GC so he work his way up to be a GC prez just like old WA Spicer long times ago. Maybe this Spicer can mess around with the SOP this time!!
    PS Bring us up to date on the Chico California fiasco.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *