Global Tuna Population Implores You To Eat Tuno

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Underwater — Representatives of the global tuna population are begging humans to try out Loma Linda Tuno, the new fish-free protein released by the veggie brand. The life-long swimmers vowed that their infatuation with the new protein source was 100% flavor-based and entire selfless. The fishy PR professionals swore on their fathers’ fins that Tuno was completely mercury-free. Appealing especially to the Loma Linda brand’s Adventist fan base, the underwater diplomats lined up seven Loma Linda centenarians willing to testify that after tasting Tuno they could not conceive of having anything else in their Vegenaise sandwiches. The spokestuna denied claims that they were promoting Tuno just because they themselves didn’t want to be eaten.


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  1. richard mills

    don’t believe all the tuno hype. they squeeze a tuna flavored oil out of the tuna and include it into the tuno recipe. stole the idea from beyond meat producers.

  2. Dea Shark

    Well, if Tuno or Big franks aren’t your food favorites and you want to give up meat but can’t, try this method. Get a Texan Long Horn Tick to bite you. Your diet will improve without even trying to giving up foods. The bite will cause you to have an allergy to red meat and dairy food. Win, Win. Then maybe you will become a vegan and eat natural food like nuts and beans for protein. Be sure to get a tiny lasso to catch the Texan Long Horn Tick. Try unwaxed dental floss. Good Luck!

  3. Dea Shark

    Correction here on that tick name, the species of Lone Star Tick in Texas . Change that name when you Google the info. It’s true. Not sure the lasso will work. Just hang out with the animals and plants to get bit.

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