Jonah Vows Never To Draw Straws Again

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ANCIENT NEWS — Moments after Jonah hit dry land, the repentant prophet asked shocked bystanders for directions to Nineveh and told everyone he was turning a page as far as drawing straws was concerned.

Jonah told those gathered the practice was a fundamentally risky way to make decisions.

“Listen, it’s best to stay away from drawing straws unless you want to get thrown head first into a stormy sea and get swallowed by a big fish” said Jonah, drying off. “There are far better ways to think up next steps”

With that, he excused himself to work on his sermon notes for what he called “an even bigger warning.”


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