ADVENTIST WORLD — Laodicean Adventist Luke Waurm reported to his local emergency room earlier today complaining of severe constipation. When asked what he had been eating, Waurm admitted to binge watching Hope Channel shows and sitting through endless church gatherings hoping to get blessed. Waurm, who hadn’t so much as lifted a service-minded finger in years, was doubled over from the crazy discomfort of endless buffets of spiritual fastfood and microwavable veggie chicken soup for the soul. As he was dismissed with a bag of laxatives, he was given strict doctor’s orders to introduce the roughage of personal Bible study and some food bank volunteering into his spiritual diet.
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