Liberal Adventist Would Feel More “Blessed” With Song Service Smoke Machine

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PASADENA, Calif. — Liberal Adventist, Lovey Dovey, has written an emoji-filled social media plea to the Southern Californian Conference decrying the complete absence of smoke machines in local Adventist congregations.

Dovey claimed that cranking up a smoke machine during Sabbath morning praise time would result “in way more people getting blessed/high.”

Feeling particularly inspired by the triple shot mocha frappuccino she was guzzling, Dovey suggested that smoke machines would help Adventists more clearly see the light, especially if puffs of smoke were released during sermons to accentuate particarly poignant ideas and solicit “Amens.”

Anticipating questions about where to find funding for smoke machines, Dovey suggested that the next 13th Sabbath School offering be dedicated to placing the new technology in the cash-strapped congregations of Southern California.

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