Luxury watch makers honor long-standing Adventist commitment to status symbols

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BASEL, Switzerland — Baselworld, the most prestigious trade show for the international watch and jewelry industry has invited an Adventist delegation to attend its March 2016 annual event in honor of the “significant and sustained business provided by Seventh-day Adventist church members over several decades.” While event leadership acknowledges that other jewelry makers (most notably those manufacturing ear pieces) are less impressed with business from Adventists, there was unanimous agreement that stratospheric Adventist enthusiasm for status symbol watches made up for any other purchasing shortcomings. “We haven’t quite figured out the underlying logic dictating luxury item purchases by Adventists but we are content with accepting that some things are best left as mysteries,” said a Baselworld press release.

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  1. “’We haven’t quite figured out the underlying logic dictating luxury item purchases by Adventists but we are content with accepting that some things are best left as mysteries,’ said a Baselworld press release.”

    Yes, the SDA acceptance of all types of big, flashy, expensive brooches and watches is a mystery when dollar-store earrings are condemned.

    Many of us seem to think that $8,000 gold-and-diamond watches are fine because they are “functional,” but $5 earrings are evil because they are “ornamental.”

    Well, I’ve heard that Pacific Press will be making a new line of “functional” jewelry to be sold in Adventist Book Centers next year. The earrings will have tiny watch faces (which can be read by a third person with a magnifying glass). The belly-button rings and anklets will also have miniature watch faces that can be read only with a microscope–but hey, they’re “functional,” so they are OK!

    Actually, there is no need for such Pharisaical games. Believe it or not, the Bible indicates that God likes jewelry and gave it to His people as a blessing.

  2. Ray Kraft

    The Watchmakers only need read the Beatitudes, the part where Jesus says, “Blessed are they who wear expensive watches, for they have not adorned their bodies with jewelry.”

    1. D. Thomas

      The only problem is, watches touch the skin. The unspoken rule in some churches seems to be: “jewelry is fine if it does not touch the skin.” (It is okay as long as it is pinned to your dress or worn in your hair.) On second thought, maybe expensive, gaudy watches can pass muster under the “no-touch-skin” rule if you place a sliver of tissue paper between the watch and your skin. Now that’s an idea!

  3. Fabric also seems to be acceptable as ornamentation because, I presume, it is borderline functional. Sooooo, a $200 pashmina scarf is a necessary part of anyone’s wardrobe, while a $5 pair of simple earrings has no place in any discussion. So maybe you could pin the earrings to the scarf, that would be acceptable. Hmmm. Now what to do with a luxury watch. WAit. Who wears watches anymore?

    1. D. Thomas

      Anybody who’s anybody now looks to their luxurious iPhone 6 to tell the time. I guess that’s a “functional” status symbol. But if there’s any criticism, you can pin it to your hair or scarf along with your earrings. (Just make sure you find a strong pin.)

  4. Lisa Mona

    “There are many who try to correct the life of others by attacking what they consider are wrong habits. They go to those whom they think are in error, and point out their defects. They say, ‘You don’t dress as you should.’ They try to pick off the ornaments, or whatever seems offensive, but they do not seek to fasten the mind to the truth. Those who seek to correct others should present the attractions of Jesus. They should talk of His love and compassion, present His example and sacrifice, reveal His Spirit, and they need not touch the subject of dress at all. There is no need to make the dress question the main point of your religion. There is something richer to speak of. Talk of Christ, and when the heart is converted, everything that is out of harmony with the word of God will drop off.” (Ellen White, ST July 1, 1889)

    1. Ray Kraft

      I remember very well a Bible studies class in one of our Academies (which I shall politely refrain from naming) taught by an ordained minister (whom I shall politely refrain from naming) in which we spent three weeks, three days a week, pondering the most important question in the universe . . . whether wearing a wedding ring was a sin.

      After three weeks of pondering he concluded that it was.

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