“Brethren, after much prayer, we have instituted a new fundamental belief: ‘Raffles Are No Longer Gambling if You Call Them “Opportunity Draws,'” announced Ufe Mista, the General Conference Director of Creed Creep, to a packed GC auditorium this morning.
The room erupted into chaos – gasps, cheers, and furious murmurs filled the air. Mista raised his hand, demanding silence.
A brave young delegate timidly raised his hand. “But Pastor Mista, isn’t this merely wordplay? How can changing a name alter the fundamental nature of something?”
Mista fixed him with a withering stare. “My dear brother, you underestimate the profound power of words. By rebranding ‘raffle’ as ‘opportunity draw,’ we transform the very essence of the activity.”
The delegates exchanged glances, their brows furrowed in bewilderment.
“When you enter a raffle,” Mista proclaimed, “you gamble your hard-earned money on a mere chance of winning. But an ‘opportunity draw’? That is a sacred event, a chance to embrace the blessings the Lord has bestowed upon us!”
Slowly, realization dawned on the assembly. How could they have been so naive?
“From this day forth, we shall no longer speak of ‘prizes,'” Ufe Mista thundered. “They shall be known as ‘blessings.’ And the money you contribute is not a wager, but an ‘opportunity offering.'”
The crowd erupted in rapturous “Amens”, their faces glowing with newfound enlightenment. As the delegates headed home, they meditated on what else they could rebrand.
One wannabe innovator floated calling Sabbath swimming ‘accidental wading’ and was immediately informed that workaround had been around for decades.
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