BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — The campus of Andrews University is about to experience more than the occasional whiff off the dairy farm currently situated in the northwestern corner of the university’s campus. Plans are in place to allow the university’s herd of cattle to roam undisturbed outside the confines of the farm.
In an experiment in cutting-edge humane treatment of animals, the cattle will be allowed to graze in between buildings, on the university mall and wherever else they see fit.
“Students and faculty are requested to exercise extra care while driving around campus as cows can be quite unpredictable and may, at any given point, find the need to cross the road,” said a Campus Safety Advisory released ahead of the open grazing experiment which is scheduled to start in the early half of next week.
“As long as you don’t do anything provocative, you’ll be fine,” explained Senior Dairy Herd Management major, Amber Saunders addressing proper cattle engagement etiquette questions at a Town Hall meeting in the Lamson Hall Women’s Residence. “Cows are peaceful by nature and there is absolutely no reason to become alarmed by their size or the fact that they may be grazing outside your dorm window.”
“I was a little surprised when I first heard the news about cows invading campus,” said Sophomore Biology Major, Marvin Sawyer. “It’s definitely going to make getting to class on time more of challenge.”
Student Association Social VP , Lara Brunsted was not enthused by the news. “The moment we start smelling these cows up close and personal any and all romance is automatically compromised at Andrews. Any mixer, banquet or date night will have to take place way off campus.”
Are they going to have designated sides of campus for boy cows and girl cows? Cause, you wouldn’t want to see…well…you know…
That would be udderly divisive.
Moooooooove over, AU students, faculty,, etc. Maybe they can have a cow patty contest! I can see Pastor Dwight tip-toeing across the campus to PM Church!! What would Elsie, the Borden cow say? Woe is me!!