RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Riverside Fire Department has forced the return of hundreds of La Sierra University students from ‘IGNITE’, a university orientation exercise taking place at Pine Summit Camp in Big Bear, Calif. Riverside FD explained that the action was taken in response to “thoughtless and irresponsible naming” of the event by the university.
“Who in their right mind names an event involving hundreds of college kids ‘IGNITE’ when we are facing a horrible drought, severe water use restrictions and wildfires in this state? La Sierra University is tempting fate with their reckless insensitivity,” said Riverside FD spokesperson, Chet Lancet.
New students that were interviewed upon their return to campus from Big Bear did not seem disappointed at the unexpected turn of events. “IGNITE has truly been an unforgettable orientation experience,” said David Kim, an undeclared freshman from Eagle Rock, Calif. “I was expecting it to be predictable and dry but the Fire Department drama was more than I could ever have expected.”
University administrators have quietly been voicing their grievances with Riverside FD’s actions. “It’s not our fault we live in the most torchable county in America,” said a senior administrator who asked not to be named. “Andrews calls their orientation ‘All Fired Up’ and nobody picks on them!”
“Scandal, headlines and hyperbole and classes haven’t even started!” gushed freshman English major and Los Angeles native, Marie Quinn. “It’s going to be an amazing year!”