Seating charts made official at Adventist Churches

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Know your place
Know your place
ADVENTIST WORLD — For the first time in Adventist history, churches will feature official seating charts.

Each member will have an assigned seat and visitors will be seated at the very front of the sanctuary where the entire congregation can keep an eye on them.

GC Director of Church Rigidity, Mas Reglas, pushed back on complaints that seating charts were an unnecessary intrusion into church life.

“Our churches have had unofficial seating charts from as long back as I can remember,” said Reglas. “Members can get super territorial about where they sit. So we just decided to make things official.”

Reglas explained that all congregations will be required to print their seating charts on the back of their church bulletins.

He directed churches to select their biggest deacon to act as the “Sabbath Bouncer” in case anyone disobeyed the chart.

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  1. The Candyman

    >Quick Reminder: The story you just read was satirical. As in, it wasn’t a real news story. BarelyAdventist is published by committed Adventists that believe satire and humor are great ways to discuss Adventist culture and issues. Enjoy!

    So sad that people still take these things seriously. One would think they would know by now.

  2. Yvonne Iwasa

    My dad is going to love this! He’s been trying to get more people to sit toward the front of the church for years. One month he even pledged to donate ten cents per person per Sabbath who would sit in the front ten rows of church. Lots of people moved up. And at the end of the month they moved back to their established territory!

  3. Damiennsim

    Hahaha… and then you have the family clans that occupying certain rows for years and pass it down to their descendants Try changing the pew arrangements is even worst

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