Spiritual Weaknesses Survey explodes in popularity

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The Spiritual Weakness Survey (SWS) — debuted earlier this year at select churches — has spread like wildfire across America. The SWS differs from more traditional spiritual gifts tests in two important ways: In addition to identifying spiritual weaknesses instead of gifts, the SWS is only administered in congregational settings where church members rate each other, never themselves.

“The SWS has completely changed my church-going experience,” said Rob Lopez from Burbank, Calif. “I never thought that Sister Elma was any good as a church greeter but wasn’t able to express how I felt until the SWS sessions we had this summer. She now is no longer a deaconess and my life will always be that little bit happier.”

“The SWS is practical and freeing,” said Sarah Brookes, one of the survey’s creators. “Each of your fellow church members names is listed along with a picture and a comprehensive menu of weaknesses with tick boxes next to them. If the member’s weakness is not listed there is space for essay answers where you can get specific. This is a revolutionary tool.”

“The possibilities are endless,” said North American Division spokesperson Jermaine Francis. “We were completely unprepared for the level of demand for the surveys. Our servers have crashed multiple times under the weight of churches downloading our forms.”

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