“We cannot stress enough how important it is for people across our country to listen to their weird Adventist friends and become vegetarians,” said Tofer Key, spokesbird for what he called “thousands of ruffled rafters spread over all 50 states.”
Key acknowledged that a lot of nonsense has crept into the Adventist lifestyle over the years and that he was by no means advocating that Americans overdose on sodium-laden veggie burgers or a tub of Little Debbie treats as they watch football over the holiday.
“If you get this Adventist thing right though, you might live past 100 and get into a National Geographic special,” said Key, before diving behind some bushes as a precautionary measure.
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Well, in Genesis we have a talking snake, and in somewhere we have a talking donkey, and now we have talking turkeys. It’s a miracle!
IT WAS A TALKING ASS.
Before you know it, there’ll be a movement called Turkey Lives Matter!
TOFURKY lives really matter. You cut into slices and use for hockey pucks. Use slices to skip across the pond. Place a slice under each leg of a table to slide across the floor-easy to clean floor. Use a slice to clean off insects from your car windshield. In other words, chuck out the tofurky. Even my dog won’t east the stuff. he liked the real turkey. Cooked to perfection.