Describing Holster’s behavior on duty as “borderline harassment,” police spokesperson Sgt. Ted Blancher has said that although Holster was officially arrested for “speeding outside his jurisdiction with his siren blaring and makeshift lights flashing,” this latest incident was just one in a long string of offenses committed by the over-zealous campus cop.
“Holster seems to think he singlehandedly upholds the law around here,” said Blancher. “The other day we caught him issuing illegitimate parking tickets outside Taco Bell when someone had taken his favorite parking spot. He even kept his uniform on hoping it would command respect.”
“Unfortunately a lot of campus security job applicants have a certain personality profile,” said Blancher. “And a little power in the wrong hands has a tendency to get abused. Walla Walla must have been scraping the bottom of the barrel when they hired Holster.”
Nobody at the Walla Walla Campus Security department has protested Holster’s arrest. Walla Walla Campus Security confirmed that Holster had already raised eyebrows in the office for repeated requests for “cooler gear.” Two weeks ago he submitted a written request begging “at the very least” to be allowed to carry some pepper spray. A few months ago he submitted a request for a donut expense account.