Christian intimacy book, “The Adventist Missionary Position,” hits shelves

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NAMPA, Idaho — In an attempt to counter secular guides to marriage intimacy, Pacific Press has released “The Adventist Missionary Position.” The publisher bills the book as being “jam-packed with helpful tidbits on the ins and outs of healthy Adventist marriage intimacy.” The volume lays bare secrets of marriage success from Adventist counselors, pastors and academics that “would give Solomon himself a run for his money.” Pacific Press assures that it contains “only the most tasteful of genuinely necessary illustrations,” with the publisher having gone to great lengths to recruit the best Beasts of Revelation publishers for the task. An initial print run of 144,000 hits ABC shelves worldwide today. Books are available to customers that are able to produce their marriage certificates, bands or watches at point of purchase.


7 Comments

  1. GodDidWhat?

    Oh, no! Hundreds of oldsters now will be tempted to toss out their real Adventist sex book, Charles Wittschiebe’s “God Invent Sex,” published more than 40 years ago by Southern Publishing Association, when Adventist publishing was daring and even fun indeed!

  2. Good one, sevvy! Short and sweet. And just in case some unsuspecting readers don’t know, please note the disclaimer in the “About” page: “BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog on Adventist culture and issues.”

    “Please note that this story, like others on this site, is a joke. All characters and incidents appearing in this ‘report,’ including any comments thereupon, are fictitious or parodied. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead (or events, past or future) is purely coincidental and/or is solely for purposes of parody, satire, irony, caricature, or comedy. If you do not find these stories funny, please see your doctor to check your sense of humor (or maybe he should check your pulse). After all, laughter is the best medicine.”

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