SILVER SPRING, Md. --- Effective immediately, all baptized members of the Adventist Church will be required to take pre-Sabbath baths.
The new policy was announced this morning by the General Conference as part of a new push towards "unity in Sabbath etiquette."
Adventists around the world have been told to draw their baths at least an hour before sunset.
To encourage the habit, ABC stores will be carrying a line of pre-Sabbath bath ducks sold at cost.
The bath toys have been trained to squawk out reminders about how much time is left before Friday sunset.
If an Adventist is still in the bath five minutes before sunset, the bath duck will emit a mild electric shock to speed up the process.