GC mandates pre-Sabbath baths for all Adventists

Friday afternoon soak.
Friday afternoon soak.

SILVER SPRING, Md. --- Effective immediately, all baptized members of the Adventist Church will be required to take pre-Sabbath baths.

The new policy was announced this morning by the General Conference as part of a new push towards "unity in Sabbath etiquette."

All kidding aside, click to learn more about Union College

Adventists around the world have been told to draw their baths at least an hour before sunset.

To encourage the habit, ABC stores will be carrying a line of pre-Sabbath bath ducks sold at cost.

The bath toys have been trained to squawk out reminders about how much time is left before Friday sunset.

If an Adventist is still in the bath five minutes before sunset, the bath duck will emit a mild electric shock to speed up the process.

Advertise on BarelyAdventist


You've had your fix of satire. Now head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.

Check out the Sonscreen Film Festival!

Share your Adventist faith & lifestyle through cool awesome t-shirts | SDAshirts.com


One Comment

  1. I am so thankful for this new edict from the GC. I have a problem. I work all day, 5 days a week from 8am to 5pm. I get dirty on my job. Some weeks, the sun goes down earlier while I am on my way home. Perhaps I should stop at a gas station, go inside the men’s room and try to shower or clean myself thoroughly. Or, I can plan ahead and shower at a local truck stop on my lunch hour. I will make sure I will not do any work that will contaminate my body. What if my church could provide a shower facility to help me out!
    Just shower me with blessings. Happy Sabbath!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *