BATTLE CREEK, Mich. --- Self-styled Adventist heritage guru and enthusiastically amateur Ellen White writings compiler, Lester Lite, expressed mild consternation at not being able to find a single copy of the Bible this afternoon.
Rummaging through a mountain of Testimonies and well-worn copies of Counsels on Diet and Foods, Lite felt sure that he would at least find a trusty KJV somewhere.
Half an hour into his search, his flagging spirits leapt as he glimpsed a weighty tome with gold trim pages.
His hopes were dashed upon the rocks as he dusted off the cover and discovered the volume to simply be a special edition Great Controversy from an overly-ambitious independent publisher.
Letting out a sigh of defeat, Lite decided to direct his efforts at more profitable pursuits like dreaming up interpretations to White's unpublished letters.
Elsewhere in Battle Creek, a prolific pioneer turned in her grave.