Friday, January 30, 2026
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#NotSatire

When Life Drains You, This Is the Reminder You Actually Need

  Let’s not sugarcoat it: some days, life feels like it’s siphoning energy straight out of your soul. Not just tired—soul-tired. You’ve rested, prayed, maybe even done a little Bible...
#NotSatire

Is BarelyAdventist Liberal or Conservative?

Labels like liberal, conservative, progressive, or historical get thrown around a lot in Adventism—but do they really capture what we’re about? And where does BarelyAdventist actually fit on that...
Uncategorized

Does BarelyAdventist Hate the Church?

Between the satire, the memes, the open questions, the essays, the sharp takes, and everything else we publish, there are people who genuinely believe BarelyAdventist has an agenda against the Seventh-day...
Uncategorized

Single Adventist Woman Seeking Husband to Help Populate an Entire Pathfinder Club

Age: Old enough to know better, young enough to still believe Location: Wherever children are running during church Spiritual Gifts: Patience, logistics, and not crying in...
Church Life

We Don’t Need to Agree

  Growing up on missionary campuses felt like a miniature United Nations—with a religious framework thrown on top. People were from everywhere. Some of my closest...
Evangelism

Why Counting Baptisms May Be the Least Honest Metric We Have

Let’s start here: when someone chooses to follow Jesus, that matters. It’s the most significant decision a person can make. Heaven rejoices. So should...
Marriage

God Is Not a Sadist

God’s ideal is clear: a loving, faithful, life-giving marriage. For most people. Notice I said most. Some are genuinely better off single. Scripture affirms this...

Adventist Culture

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If the pioneers were allowed to be wrong and grow, why are we not?

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Every institution eventually faces a choice: protect its story,...

Are We Raising Kids—or Just Managing Them for Church?

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How much are we actually listening to our kids? Not...

The Biblical Case for Turning Your Brain Off

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This may sound heretical in an age of optimization,...

Adventist New Year’s Resolutions – 2026 Edition

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  Figure out a way not to be the Deacon...

Adventist Food

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We’re Done Pretending

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We’re done pretending everything is fine. Fine isn’t faithful. Fine...

Stop Trading Your Questions for the Exit

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Adventism is messy. If it weren’t, it wouldn’t be...

Incel thinking thrives where masculinity is reduced to authority and femininity is reduced to temptation.

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When the church makes space—intentionally or quietly—for misogynistic ideas,...

Adventism’s Secret Problem Isn’t the World—it’s Us

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We spend so much time looking outward—at secularism, politics,...

Sabbath Observance

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We Don’t Have a Youth Retention Problem—We Have an Adult Honesty Problem

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Adventism keeps asking why young people are leaving. We...

We Say ‘Present Truth’ but Panic Every Time It Actually Shows Up

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Adventism loves the phrase present truth. It sounds forward-looking,...

GC Officials Open Fire On Anti-Carob Protestors, Drenching Them Thoroughly With Super Soakers

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SILVER SPRING, MD — Chaos erupted outside the General...

Trump Tells NATO: “Iron and Clay Feet? No Way They Can Defend Greenland!”

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  WASHINGTON, D.C. — US President Donald Trump delivered a...

BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog focused on Adventist culture and issues. Written by committed Adventists, the goal is to foster growth within the faith community through lighthearted conversation and humor, avoiding soapboxing or angry rants. The blog is not officially endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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