Adventist Church: Coffee dates lead to unequally yoked marriages

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SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Seventh-day Adventist Church has sent out a warning to members planning a romantic rendezvous that “coffee dates lead to unequally yoked marriages.”

“I am sure there are thousands of our young people out there looking to get the most romance out of what little summer we have left,” said newly-appointed General Conference Vespers Date Coordinator, Gordon Bietz. “I want to challenge them to think bigger than a mere coffee date.”

Bietz, who said that he had spent decades observing “the best and the worst of Adventist dating at our denomination’s marriage Mecca,” implored aspiring Adventist Casanovas to keep caffeine out of their courting rituals.

“It isn’t worth spending a lifetime with a severe neckache just because you had your first date at Starbucks rather than on a spritely nature walk,” said Bietz. “At the very least, order decaf.”

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  1. richard mills

    It is definitely the type of coffee consumed. Go with the non-GMO, range free, cage free, non allergenic, non gluten. It works for me, it will work for you. Woe iz me.

  2. Betty

    Seriously? If you don’t drink coffee already, why would you order coffee on a date? Sometimes Adventists are strange. Yes, I’m Adventist, but a different kind of strange.

  3. Dave

    I must respectfully disagree. A coffee date is the perfect way to get started. At the first you will see if you are compatible in the morning when one has a pleasant decalf with 2 creams and the other has a triple shot espresso with 5 sugars.

    In my case my wife likes exactly the same cup, decalf with 5 creams and 2 equal, but in a medium, not large. What a joy to find a mate who enjoys the same things!

    It makes mornings so much more pleasant!

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