SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a dramatic reversal of its traditional anti-jewelry stance, the Seventh-day Adventist Church has released a statement declaring that earrings are acceptable attire for women as long as they “serve the church and larger community by doubling as timepieces.”
As of next Sabbath, female church members are invited to sport earrings “as long as they contain clock faces that clearly display the time from as far as seven pews away.” The statement said that timepiece earrings would, among other things, assist Sabbath School leaders with time management “when nobody is available to ring that little bell.”
General Conference Director of Outdated Modesty Statements, Horsen Buggey, defended the update to church guidelines, saying that the Adventists have a “long, beautiful history” of justifying gaudy Sabbath morning jewelry as long as it either told the time or could in some creative way, be fastened to a lapel or blouse.
Wrapping up his remarks to a flock of confused Adventist reporters, Buggey said, “We haven’t quibbled over the finer points of principled consistency in the past, why start now?”
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I like the name of the Director of Outdated Modesty Statements, “Horsen Buggey.” The man-made anti-jewelry teaching of the Holiness movement should have gone out with the “horse and buggy.” The Bible actually supports tasteful use of jewelry and speaks of it as a blessing from God: http://www.GodLikesJewelry.com .
YES. AND TOSS OUT THE DIETARY ISSUES WITH IT, JESUS SAID ITS NOT WHAT GOES INTO THE BODY THAT DEFILES IT. BUT I AGREE NOT EVERYTHING IS HEALTHY.
The unofficial SDA doctrine has always been exactly what this story says: that any kind of jewelry is OK as long as it does not touch the skin, or if it includes a clock face. For example, a cheap rhinestone is evil on a ring, but a diamond is righteous on a brooch or when sewed onto a blouse or glued onto a hair pin. Belly button rings and nose rings are usually evil, but they are fine if they include a tiny clock face so they can be deemed “functional.” Time to stop the Pharisaical double-talk. . . .
THE WIFE GOD CHOSE FOR ISSAC, SPORTED JEWELRY INCLUDING NOSE RINGS.
Yes, she came to our tent and was fitted and supplied on the spot, nose that is.
I think alarm clock earrings would be perfect. When they go off they repeat “amen” until the off or snooze button is pressed. Amen!
I think my clock would work perfect for that
I am a church elder. Tonight at the church board meeting, I will report that I saw the deacon in the topless bar last week. He will certainly have some explaining to do.
What is so bad as to go admire the beauty of women as god created them? I did not lust after her, I just admired it as I do other works of nature. Besides, the bible says it is wrong to see your dad’s naked body, says nothing about non relative women.
I would approve if they were set to count down to the second coming. Would consider a provisional OK with Sabbath sunset alarm set to to ding ding every Friday and Saturday.
LOL
And the rabbi asked Jesus, “Master, what is the greatest commandment?”
Jesus replied, “Thou shalt not wear jewelry.”
That is a famous verse. It’s Hezekiah 3:16. But you forgot to quote the rest of the commandment: “. . . unless it hath a miniature sundial to make it ‘functional’.”
Any earrings are okay if they have a little sticker saying “Vote for Donald Dump for President” — and as long as they don’t say “Vote for Ben Carsinogen” or “Vote for Hilarious Clinton.”
Ya get my vote!
He even has my vote!
Will I be able to wear my male earring watches, too? It’s not nice to discriminate. I’m so happy for this decision!! Woe is me!!
Which candidate does NOT wear any jewelry of any kind? (Hint: it’s NOT Ben Carson a/k/a Ben Car-sin a/k/a Ben Carsinogen.)
Donald Dump
Kris Kristy
Jeb Butch
Mark O. Ruby-o
Ben Carsinogen
Carly Flouride
John KaySnitch
Bobby Gin-Doll
Hilarious Clinton
Bernie Colonel Sanders
Jim Kill-more
Rick Stinktorum
George Plasticky
Rand Pallbearer
Mike Huckleberry
Ted Cruise-control
Donald Trumpet
Sum Ting Wong
?
EGW WANTED TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT, BUT SHE WAS WAITING FOR A CONFIRMATION VISION
As my friends Wi Tu Lo and Bang Ding Ow said, “Sum Ting Wong.”
Psychiatrist: What brings you here today?
Patient: I’m hearing voices; they’re telling me to do away with a psychiatrist.
Psychiatrist: Sit tight for a minute; I’ll go get a psychiatrist to see you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE HURT HIM WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE
Please go get the help you need.
And be nice to the psychiatrist; he’s just trying to help.
I DONT REMEMBER.
The only problem with plastic surgery is, you’ll have some explaining to do to your children . . . as to why they don’t look like you. . . .
There is a famous internet meme and viral picture about that: http://shanghaiist.com/2015/10/09/heidi-yeh.php It was used by a cosmetic surgery clinic in Taiwan, with the tagline: “The only thing you’ll ever have to worry about is how to tell the kids.”
I was born and raised in the SDA Church and I attended its schools through college. In the past couple of years, I have to come to understand that there is no “one true church.” Any church claiming to be the “one true church,” and focusing on a list of doctrines (more than a love relationship with Christ) and seeking to micromanage its members’ lives, is a cult.
Now I understand that the SDA church, and others like it, are business enterprises similar to multi-level marketing companies, where the real goal is to increase membership in order to bring in more tithe money. In order to inspire other Christians to join this tithe-generating system, the SDA church tries to convince them that they will be lost if they don’t join this “one true church.” Then it tries to scare them from leaving, by fostering an “us vs. them” attitude where the world is divided into SDA and “non-SDA”–and everything “non-SDA” is bad. This is a cultic strategy.
I am glad to be in a non-denominational fellowship now, where the focus is on falling in love with Jesus, loving God with all my heart, and loving my neighbor as myself. I have found the freedom of grace and Christ’s promise: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”
I like this. Good for you. I know that when the bible speaks of “the church” it is referring to the group of people who believe in and accept Jesus’s death/resurrection for payment of our sins. We aspire to live how Jesus would, but we will never really achieve perfection in this world. David had some big set backs and would have been erased many times over from my SDA church for his evil ways. But he was a man who was after God’s heart. He was human, and lucky for us, we shall not be judged by man or satan. I wish you the best in all you do.
The SDA church is not the true and only way to salvation, but it is a good church to be in. We need to analyze the “word” for ourselves always. The SDA conf will not advocate for us in the day of judgement.
Hoooah to you both, welcome to the true church.
Can’t wait for Strippled flavored vape!
Glad to see the GC is allegedly making some progress. This issue used to be controlled by a fierce lady up there, named “Aunt I. Jewel Ree.”
Now seriously : We in Europe had our wedding ring -this is (US – definition) of course jewelry, since you do not buy it at the gas station. It is a sign to the public : If you invite one to a party, you also have to invite the other part ). Then : They are bound.
JEWELRY ! HEATHEN CUSTOMS (Bacciocchi). (- just like shaking hands – – -)
Now it has become a sign of priciple : I confess me being acknowledged in public as being bound / engaged / married.
Some decades ago my aunt from Oregon asked for a present : Here in Europe then you could buy watches in little balls, to be carrier / worn on a long chain around the neck. Poor technique, never shiwing reliable the real correct time : But you had a “functional” necklage (so BRI).
I wear a steel Rolex Oysterdate – and only this Rolex since 1958, a gift of my father. Nobody would say anything in church , were this writstwatch gilden (sectretly they whould whispert) – – – – well I am a man !