“Our history as a church of conscientious objectors opposed to taking up arms makes singing Onward Christian Soldiers around the world on Sabbath morning the ultimate contradiction,” said General Conference Music Historian, Bitto Late.
Late said that the hymn has already been deleted from the online Adventist hymnal and that the General Conference invited Adventists around the world to tear the “ultra-violent” song out of physical hymn books at their earliest convenience.
“To Muslims and Jews, any song about Christian soldiers is anything but a bridge builder so this song has got to go,” said Late. “And while we’re at it, we’re banning Adventist pastors from describing evangelistic efforts as crusades.”
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I guess some hymns are just better left to the Salvation Army!
Do they have a music historian named “Bitto Late” too? I hope it not a bit too late.
THE LORD IS A MAN OF WAR!!!
EXODUS 15:3.
OUR GOD IS NOT A SPINE LESS WIMP. HE HAS GIVEN SOME GOOD HARD MILITARY ORDERS TO KILL IN HIS DAY. I ADMIRE HIM.
Roger that Rabbi Rick. God is love but dont upset him. He is also vengeful.
Oh shoot, just when I got the marching steps figured out. But Ellen did say the church militant would have many trials…guess we can still march without the singing, so all is not loss. Maybe we can still do the sign language
I still sing that hymn and I’m still a Christian soldier. I am a church Elder. Tonight at the church board meeting, I will report that I saw the Deacon in the topless bar last night. He will certainly have some explaining to do!
I know, you were only carrying out your duty to keep tabs on the deacons and give Bible studies to the dancers. It’s an onerous task, but somebody has to do it!
John, I hope you “kept a level eye.”
Hey, I was ministering to those women.
I always wondered why we were singing about being Christian soldiers marching to war on . . . who? . . . Un-Believers? Non-SDA’s?
It means war against ISIS.
ISIS ARE ANIMALS. THEY ARE MY ENEMIES AND I LOVE TO HATE THEM. I WISH THEM A GREAT BID NUKE.
I agree. I think part of their punishment when caught is to starve them and feed them only pork. LOL. would love to see the faces on them when they get it served.
With a side of Stripples; that should finish them off.
It’s a good start, but when will war in heaven be purged? Way violent. Great Controversy book burnings may be required.
I wish this was true. Explaining the meaning of this song to pre-Christians / secular mind is challenging. I know this is parody, but in this case I wish the removal of this song from our vernacular was true!
Maybe it is. You can’t prove that it’s not.
I would see a doctor about that vernacular.
haha
Which of these candidate sings “Onward Christian Soldiers” in the shower every morning? (Hint: it’s not Ben Car-sin.)
Donald Dump
Kris Kristy
Jeb Butch
Mark O. Ruby-o
Ben Carsinogen
Carly Flouride
John KaySnitch
Bobby Gin-Doll
Hilarious Clinton
Burny Colonel Sanders
Jim Kill-more
Rick Stinktorum
George Plasticky
Rand Pallbearer
Mike Huckleberry
Ted Cruise-control
Donald Trumpet
Poor taste my friend.
WHICH ONE? LEMON, CHERRY, OR GRAPE?
None of the above. The one who sings it is Vladimer Pukin’.
Seriously though, if you read the words and compare it to the mindset of the jihad, the ‘battle” and “join us or die” historical allusions are very very similar.
Not one I sing, especially when with pre-Christian / secular friends
When they sing it in my church, I just get busy texting on my iPhone or I take the opportunity to go to the restroom. It’s a nice tune, but I won’t sing the words, especially if I brought any Muslim, pre-Buddhist, or post-atheist visitors.
Please dont defile your church by taking muslim’s in. If God wants to save them, he can manage it.
Now we gottta take out-How Great Thou Art; Jesus Above All Names; Our God Reigns; This is My Father’s World; Faith is the Victory; I Gave My Life for Thee; O Sacred Head Now Wounded; Dare to be a Daniel; Once to Every Man & Nation; Soldiers of Christ Arise; Stand Up For Jesus. The list could go on & on & on. Are we in a revisionist mode? I’m gonna continue to sing, sing, sing, sing. Gonna shout, shout, shout-Praise the Lord!! Woe is me. And I mean WOE IS ME!!!
You’re on the right track. Get rid of the whole hymnal and just sing “Mary Had a Little Lamb.”
Roasted please.
Maybe it could be replaced by “Imagine” and my new words…
Imagine there’s no ISIS
It’s easy if you try
No Muslims among us
Around us no PC lies
Imagine all Nations
Living for God’s Praise
Imagine there’s no Marxists
It isn’t hard to do
No equality BS
And no dialectic too
Imagine all God’s people
Living as postmills
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the World will be then won
Imagine no Progressives
I wonder if you can
No envy or malice
The fulfillment of God’s plan
Imagine all God’s people
Conquering all the world…
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be then won
SOUNDS LIKE IT WAS WRITTEN BY BEN CARSINOGEN.
What a waste of talent. Why not write something worthwhile, like hip-hop rap songs for Ben Carson commercials?
By the way, I am an undertaker. I’m your friend. I’ll be the last to let you down.
LOL
Let’s all join hands and sing in unison, KUMBYA & MICHAEL ROW YOUR BOAT ASHORE. Not very good at spellin’
Let’s all sing “Three Blind Mice.”
Are you sure that many of the good church folk are compassionate enough to give any outsiders the opportunity to come in and feel safe?
WRONG!!
What a hilarious thread…got enough laughs to last me the rest of the week