Adventist Church hires first Director of Friendship Evangelism

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Citing an urgent need to “start somewhere,” General Conference leaders of the Seventh-day Adventist Church have hired a somber feline by the name of Grumps as the first Director of Friendship Evangelism for the denomination.

“We simply haven’t had anyone in this position before,” said GC HR representative Khloe Lesh, while expressing utmost confidence in the ability of Grumps to win friends and influence them.

While she admitted that Grumps had “a bit of a sour resting face,” Lesh said that the search committee had felt it was important that the new hire’s demeanor match that of the average pew-bound Adventist halfway through the divine service on Sabbath morning.

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