Adventist Church lowers maximum permissible depth of Sabbath wading water

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the wading depth discussion is finally over
the wading depth discussion is finally over
SILVER SPRING, Md. — In an effort to more tightly articulate acceptable Sabbath keeping practices, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has released a new maximum depth of water through which members can wade on Sabbath afternoon walks without being in danger of doing their own pleasure.

While previously church guidelines had set the maximum water level at “roughly knee height,” GC Sabbath Observance Inspector, Tama Na said that a new maximum water level of 28 inches would be set as the golden standard for all Adventists, “regardless of how highset individual members claim their knee caps to be.”

While concerned members of the Adventist Society for Pharisaical Thought responded that 28 inches of water still allowed a “swimable depth for children and exceptionally creative adults,” the GC said that the new standard would eliminate the need for too much personal interpretation of biblical Sabbath observance in the 21st century.


Single, separated, divorced and widowed Adventists who want to change that status wanted.

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  1. Ray Taylor

    Elizabeth Wilson no need to carry a yardstick on the Sabbath. There are several ways to measure the depth of the water. One way is to cut a piece of string. Put a rock on one end. Tye a knot 28 inches from the bottom of the rock. Tie the string to your belt loop. Put the rock in a bag pinned to your clothes. From drop the rock in the water. Now you know if the water is to deep.

    1. Traci Boose

      And how does one measure the 28 inches from the string tied to the rock, Ray? Maybe be measuring first the fishing pole you are carrying to catch your lunch as Jesus did with a net?

    2. Finn Markley

      Instead of carrying a yardstick, or a string-and-rock, you could have a 28″ midget walk with you, and see if the water reaches the top of his head. Or you could lug around a custom-made 28″ concrete block. Or stand on your head in the water and see it if reaches down to your chest.

      Or you could just try swimming in the water. If it turns out to be possible to swim, you could assume that it must have been over 28″, so you would have to say your prayers and ask for forgiveness from the G.C. Papacy at the G.C. Vatican in Silver Spring, Mary-Land.

      1. Rev. Al Shrapnel

        Tell it, Joe! Pope Ted be watchin’ ya. “He sees you when you’re sleeping, He knows when you’re awake, He knows if you’ve been bad or good, So be good for goodness sake!”

    3. Ray Taylor

      You must do all this before sundown Friday. You can also mark your walking stick at 18 inches. But then you must carry it. Remember we must not bear burdensome the Sabbath day.

  2. Donald Tramp

    For the benefit of my great SDA friend Dr. Ben Carson, I promise to put a mark at 28 inches all along the Great Wall of Mexico, so he can always know if it’s safe to wade in any floodwater that happens to accumulate by The Wall. (Not that he would care, since he sold books and did political events on the Sabbath while running his failed presidential campaign. . . . In fact, maybe that’s why he was such a miserable failure and had to drop out – sort of like Jonah had to drop out of the ship and explore the stomach of a whale.)

      1. Rev. Al Sharptongue

        Dat be why I done said to cut da nonsense and jes start goin’ to church on Sunday. We don’t has no crazy rules like dis in my Sunday church, bro.

  3. Manuel Sanchez Diaz

    They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger. Matthew 23:4

    1. Jim E. Carter

      So it is with legalistic Pharisaical self-righteousness. They go by the slogan, “I’m okay, You’re NOT okay.” They spend most of their time worrying that somebody, somewhere, might be happy.

  4. Hellary Clinton

    “Donald Trump’s ideas are not just different, they’re dangerously incoherent. They’re not even ideas, just a series of bizarre rants, personal feuds and outright lies.” ~ Killary Clinton, 6/2/2016

  5. Donald Dumpster

    Forget wading in the water. It’s better to look at water on 3ABN. Yes, 3ABN is a YUGE blessing. It’s tremendous! I love to do “lay activities” while watching Doug Batchelor’s show, “The Young and the Hairless.” I also enjoy Danny Shelton’s program, “As the World Burns.” I love “General Horse Pill” hosted by Brenda Walsh. One of my favorites is “The Old and the Dutiful,” hosted by J.D. Quinn. And don’t forget Stephen Bohr’s show, “Days of Our Lice.”

  6. Doubting Thomas

    You’ve all missed the obvious solution. Haveva line tattooed on your leg at 28 inches high. And since 8-2=6, and you want to be reminded of the height restriction, also tatoo the number 6, three times on your leg just above the line. If you are wading in the water and you look down and can’t see 666 th end you are definitely going to burn, so at that point you may as well smoke a joint, drink a beer and have sex before marriage!

  7. richard mills

    I have always been perplexed on this wading in the water thing on the Sabbath. Now I am perfectly clear on what to do. I love this 28″ thingy. If I am a 7-8 foot tall guy, I got it made as my legs will be at least 3 ft. long. Just hope I don’t trip & fall because at sitting upright, I am 28″ or more. Thanks for the making this clear. I forgot, what happens to the depth of the water in the baptismal tank? I gotta go and see the preacher on this one.
    Woe iz me all the way to the Dead Sea. No 28″ rule there!!

  8. Steve Varro

    Why is it ok to gear up on the Sabbath to go hiking to view God’s nature, but it’s not ok to put on a snorkel and mask to view God’s underwater nature?

      1. SDA Joe

        I don’t know, but I have an aunt who is a fanatic – SDA extremist and she thinks riding a bike on Saturdays is a sin. Her fanatic ways are only Sabbath related, I guess she thinks she is a jew.

    1. richard mills

      Yo, Stevie-As a good friend of a high ranking Hasidic Rabbi Yousef Giedel Shamokin says it is ok to snorkel with a chaperone only after you attend Sabbath services in the morning. Always keep looking up for guidance. Never look down. Too negative a feeling. Shalom, Stevie.

      1. millie richards

        I am sick and tired of my addiction to social media. Therefore, I am going on a “social media fast” for 40 days and 40 nights. All during that period of fasting from all social media, I will be live-tweeting my observations and keeping my Facebook friends updated (at least hourly) on my experience.

  9. Aunt Sue's Girl

    The picture is the Best! Love it. It really illustrates the situation perfectly. We always looked for slippery rocks to step on so we could “accidentally” fall in. Once you’re in, you’re in. 🙂

  10. Art

    Water level that makes Sabbath walking a joy or a sin??? Really? Has the church actually become that petty to dictate what they perceive as what God would allow as far as wading in water on the Sabbath??? This has to be in the top 5 of the stupidest articles any Adventist or any other intelligent person should waste their time reading. It’s again incredibly arrogant for a church to presume to measure how deep the water in a lake or whatever should be to determine that one is having a spiritual experience or just having no, no fun on Sabbath… This is the stupidest excuse for being an Adventist Christian worried if he or she will make the cut to heaven based on how deep the water is where they are walking on a Sabbath afternoon after lunch, but before sundown. Wow! The idea of this lunacy is so stupid it has to be a joke!

  11. Sick to my stomach

    Makes as much sense as Adventist hospital working employees until they’re fried, forcing employees to put work before family or the Adventist Church trying to buy off a family to protect a pastor’s kid, who as a latchkey provider got middle school girls drunk and sexually abused them. Makes my stomach churn in disgust.

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