Carson vows to slow down prophecy fulfillment in Trump administration

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BALTIMORE, Md. — Retired Adventist neurosurgeon and former presidential candidate Ben Carson announced today that as part of presumptive GOP nominee Donald Trump’s administration he will personally make sure that the fulfillment of biblical prophecy slows down “as much as possible during our watch.”

While recognizing that Trump’s calls to ban Muslims from entering the US could foreshadow future persecution of other religious minorities, Carson said that he would use his friendship capital with Trump to make sure nothing “too drastic” happens.

Despite Trump’s macho statements regarding foreign policy, Carson promised that he would ensure that any bombing campaign initiated by Trump would not start World War III and/or Armageddon.

Repeating his vow as candidate to prevent Sunday Law, Carson said that “no Adventist in their right mind will need to run for the hills when we are in the White House.”


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  1. “Carson said that ‘no Adventist in their right mind will need to run for the hills when we are in the White House.’” That’s funny; it almost sounds as if someone believes Carson will be the VP. Didn’t I read somewhere on this site that Trump actually selected Doug Batchelor for VP?

  2. Harvey Kellogg

    If Carson wants to ensure that Trump doesn’t do anything “too drastic,” maybe that is what Carson really meant when he said “there are two Trumps”: the Donald Trump and the Ben Trump. Sort of like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

    1. millie richards

      I am sick of my addiction to social media. Therefore, I am going on a “social media fast” for 40 days and 40 nights. During that period of fasting from all social media, I will be live-tweeting my observations and keeping my Facebook friends constantly updated on my experience.

  3. Pill Cosby

    Don’t underestimate Trump’s ability to select a weird VP. Ben Carson’s denials of any interest in that position are merely a trick that Trump has up his sleeve. As Carson said, “Donald needs me more than I need him.”

  4. Reliable Sources

    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍B R E A K I N G‍ ‍ ‍ ‍N E W S
    Trump Selects G.C. Leader Ted N.C. Wilson as V.P. Running Mate

    Trump Tower, N.Y.– Today Donald Trump, presumptive Republican nominee, announced his selection of a Vice President running mate. It was a move that shocked some and amazed many. Adventists everywhere are celebrating because Trump’s VP pick is none other than their leader, Eld. Ted N.C. Wilson, president of the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

    “We have a lot in common,” said Trump. “Ted has zero political experience, just like me. Ted denigrates women’s ordination, and I denigrate women in general. Ted has an autocratic style of leadership, and I have a super-autocratic style. Ted, who grew up in Egypt with missionary parents, speaks Egyptian which sounds like gibberish; and I just speak plain nonsense.” (Reportedly, former rival Dr. Ben Carson has suggested that a lobotomy might be required, and he volunteered to perform it.)

    Then Trump added, “Ted used to live in New York City and got his Ph.D. from New York University. So we share ‘New York Values.’ And we are both devout Christians; we both love to read Two Corinthians.” Analysts have suggested that Trump is trying to woo the evangelical vote or to make atonement for skewering another Adventist, Dr. Ben Carson.

    In a separate statement, Wilson announced that he will tutor Trump on how to sound like a church-goer so he can boost his “Christian” credentials. The first lesson will be “How to Pronounce ‘II Corinthians.’”

    The General Conference executive committee announced that it will invite scorned Brazilian president Dilma Rousseff to assume the role of Interim G.C. President until a suitable replacement is installed at the 2020 Session in Indianapolis.

    Meanwhile, Brazil has tapped Hellary Clinton as its next leader, saying “her shady character will fit right in” with their nation that has seen its share of scandals. And former rival Burny Sanders has been appointed Envoy to ISIS – a mission considerably easier than his campaign claim that he “would break up the big banks.” (Reportedly, Dr. Carson has also offered to perform complimentary lobotomies on those two candidates, as well.)

  5. Trumpty Dumpty

    Go Trump / Carson 2016 !!! They will usher in 24/7/365 free 3ABN for everyone. Can’t wait to watch Doug Batchelor’s show, “The Young and the Hairless.” I also enjoy Danny Shelton’s program, “As the World Burns.” I love “General Horse Pill” hosted by Brenda Walsh. And don’t forget Stephen Bore’s show, “Days of Our Lice.”

  6. richard mills

    Hoorray for Dr. Carson in wanting to evangelize Presidential hopefuls. This is where he will need Dougie and a few other SDA Scholars (Nelson, et al). Bring along Des Ford for some diversification. Find that giant Daniel 2 statue and bring it along. Place it on the White House lawn or in the middle of the Mall. Perhaps multiple copies of EGW books are in order for distribution to all in Congress. Don’t forget-free Little Debbies every day. Double on Friday. None on the Sabbath. Same with all those soy protein stuffs.
    I propose a direct subway tunnel from the GC in Silver Spring right down to the White House. Restrictive travel only. Any thing else you might need-see me ASAP. Woe iz me!

    1. Lyin' Ted

      As for distributing copies of EGW books, that’s easy because reliable rumors say that The Sleazy Donald plagiarized his “Art of the Deal” book from some EGW writings. Who would’ve known?

  7. Ben Car-sin

    You say Adventists in their right mind won’t have anything to worry about if Trump is elected. Yeah, that’s because nobody in their right mind would vote for him.

    1. B'rock O'bama

      Nobody in their right mind would vote for Hellary or Burny, either. There simply are not any good candidates this year. In fact, there haven’t been any really good candidates for a long, long time. The last really good President was George Washington !

      1. Rev. Al Sharptongue

        I beg to differ. The last really good candidate was Jesse Jack’sSon in 1988. And the next great candidate will be Jay-Z (which means Beyoncé will be the First Lady) in 2020.

      2. Rev. Al Shrapnel

        No, no, sir! Da next great candidate gonna be Lil’ Wayne or “50 Cent” in 2020. Dat’s wut we needz – a rappa wit his finga on da nuclear button. Say bye-bye to ISIS and dat whole side o’ da world!

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