SILVER SPRING, Md. — “Enough is enough,” said General Conference Director of Communications Jan Cunningham. “Never in the history of our church have there been as many conspiracy theories being spun about world news and last day events. We have asked the MythBusters TV team to create a series to expose this garbage.”
Cunningham explained that the MythBusters team had been chosen for their track record of explaining away erroneous rumors, myths, movie scenes, Internet videos and news stories.
“I am sick and tired of hearing that we may not know the day or the hour but we can know the year of Jesus Second Coming,” said Cunningham, “Or that the only safe place for Adventists to live is the Appalachian Mountains. Or that 1 in 3 GC officials is a Jesuit.”
The MythBusters Adventist myth busters programming will air on the Hope Channel and will tackle one commonly-shared conspiracy theory per week.
“The Adventist church has got more important things to do than to serve as a breeding ground for a bunch of paranoid crazies,” said Cunningham. “Hopefully these nut jobs spend as much time watching the Hope Channel as they do hassling the rest of us with their tract collections.”
Ok myth busters, here are some myths I want busted.
Will our bones really bend if we drink vinegar? Who does that anyway
Does your angel really sit outside the theater when you go to see a movie?
Will UPC bar codes really be implanted into our wrists?
So funny. I grew up hearing that too about the movies. We must remember that Jesus said he would never leave us or forsake us. He means this, even in a movie theater.
Ah! The “1 in 3” ratio of Jesuits explains the feasting at the Cheesecake Factory. The Jesuits are the broad-minded group that rebels against the strict traditionalists in the Catholic Church. Pope Francis is of the Jesuit order, which explains his compassionate views of humankind. He learned from the rather rigid Doug Batchlor how uptight and repressed is our church leadership
Thus the kind Father’s efforts to send Jesuits not to harm the church, but in his compassion, he sent them to infiltrate and bring a more relaxed and enjoyable atmosphere to an otherwise quite dour and miserable group of men.
The women workerbees in the GC, without realizing how this new spirit has come about, are nevertheless embracing the change with great enthusiasm.
New favorite! Love it!! Hahahah
Are you encroaching on the SDA independents who revel in this stuff?0 Inquirering minds need to know!! What will happen to Jan Marcussen? the Standishes? John Grossboll? Firm Foundation staff? Bob Trevz? John Osborne? Shepherd’s Rods? Vince Ferrell? etc. My little moles at the GC keep me informed on a daily basis. Woe is me!!
My favorite Jesuits are the those in politics, they really are such smart centrists who see all the sides to everything and have been a great force for modernizing the Catholic Church! They support fascist Hitler through Papal Knight Franz Von Papen, help their allies the Soviet Union through the amazing Edmund Walsh (Praise the Bolsheviks, who killed the Czar and ended his protection of the Papal Supremacy refusing Orthodox Church!) and lead Congress in a merry puppet show from Georgetown University!
Adventists, tasked with calling out their evil ways, instead declare them good, and declare THEMSELVES evil!! Oh False humility!! Oh how ignorance is exalted!! Oh two-faced world love!! Oh postmodern anxiety!!
Seeing that the Jesuits hate the Jews, they must surely also hate the Adventists who come as close to self-hating Jews as any other people on Earth! Their bitter self-consciousness is unparalleled, their affected empathy to the outside world extraordinary!!
Yet it remains that salvation is of the Jews, and the world is stuck with the 7th Day Adventists as God’s Messengers to the World!! OH LORD HELP US!!!!!! Seriously.
Of course . . . can I say this? . . . Jesus isn’t coming at all . . . He’s already here! . … Jesus and God the Father and the Holy Spirit are One, and the Doctrine of Omnipresence tells us that God is here, there, and everywhere . . . so Jesus, God, is present in every Adventist church, every Catholilc Cathedral, every Synagogue and Mosque and Buddhist temple and Hindu temple, and every brothel and dive bar!
If He isn’t, then the Doctrine of Omnipresence isn’t true!
In my last reincarnation before this one I was a Jesuit.