Justa Seino is crisscrossing the country striking fear into the hearts of young Adventists as she claims that “too much eye contact torpedos you down a slippery slope to pregnancy.”
The Adventist courtship expert refuses to speak to groups unless they are separated by gender with an impregnable aisle running down the middle.
Seino suggests that young Adventists restrict their romantic activities to carefully chaperoned vespers dates in which participants keep their eyes glued to the stage and don’t so much as brush elbows.
She encourages Adventists to save eye contact for marriage: “There will be plenty of time to stare at your spouse from across the bedroom on your wedding night.”
Until then, Seino invites young Adventists to stare at their feet and guard their footsteps.
At time of publication, Seino is immersed in research to discover how to meet potential life partners without looking them in the eye.
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This is welcome news. When I was a student in 1960 the president of PUC told us at assembly that holding hands caused pregnancy. So therefor holding hands was prohibited. I am really relieved that it was eye contact. I’m sure glad that eye contact doesn’t leave DNA, at least I hope not, so I don’t have to support all those pregnancy’s I must have caused.
Eye contact? Holding hands? Really now. The venerable Miss Martin, dean of girls at Lamson Hall, Andrews University, was quite sure pregnancy was caused by young ladies wearing open-toed sandals because “seeing toes makes young men think of babies.”
I am so glad I am no longer a part of this crazy religion. I have found a faith in a God who is not this small minded. The best part of it is that I can look any one in the eye & have no fear of becoming pregnant!
Glad you found faith. Also, check out the satirical nature of this blog:
All the best!
If you believe everything you see on Barely Adventist, you are headed for a padded cell.
I thought I was the only one who was relegated to a padded cell. At least that’s what my spouse made for me out of the spare bedroom. Glad to have some company.
Wow! I’m amazed that someone could even come up with this. I know that wanting kids to abstain from sex before marriage is important, but eye contact? Really?!? Let’s be adult a and get serious please.
How many times do people have to hear the word “satire” before they learn what it means? Love the pkacement of the word impregnable–such perfect comedic timing!
Thank goodness for Pokemon go now these young Adventist can look at their screens instead of their toes!
Oh but don’t you know that Pokémon supports theories of evolution, and thus is a product of non believers. Young Adventists must never invoice themselves with such things.
Oh but don’t you know that Pokémon supports theories of evolution, and thus is a product of non believers. Young Adventists must never involve themselves with such things.
This is the best BarelyAdventist story yet! Now, for all you Windows XP diehards and DropBox lovers, you know DropBox won’t work on Win XP after August 29. The best alternative is Sync. It looks and works the same but is more secure and it’s FREE ! http://tinyurl.com/Sync-com-info Don’t worry, you can’t get pregnant from using it, or even from having prolonged eye contact with it. 🙂
According to Lewis Walton, Ellen White got pregnant by osmosis. Similar to prolonged eye contact. All Adventists should follow in her footsteps.
no pun intended 😉
Holding hands, eye contact, open toed shoes, osmosis, according to SDA rules mythology, all cause pregnancy. But the worst are sleeveless dresses, they are the most dangerous. Adventist boys and especially male leadership are turned on by arm pits and very much by unshaven pits
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