SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist Risk Management has filed for bankruptcy after what it called an “apocalyptically-devastating insurance claim” filed by the Notre Dame cathedral this week. ARM confirmed that it had insured “everything but the graven images” in the Paris-based French national treasure and that there was absolutely no way the risk management service would be able to pay for the extensive damage to the 850-year-old cathedral. “Unlike our church buildings, Notre Dame was stunning, both inside and out,” said ARM spokesperson, Elle Fuego. “We were way out of our league taking it on in the first place.” Fuego said that if ARM survived bankruptcy proceedings, it would refuse to insure anything dating back to before the construction of Elmshaven.